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Beached whale

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Also known as Desi. A large goober-headed she/male with a body that resembles a trash bag filled with mango pulp. It's face is the spitting image of a bulldog, and like a bulldog, desi will hump anything with, or without, a pulse. Smells like a sun-dried tuna fish, and close sources say it is so womped it looks like a Picasso down there. Stay away from the desi. It might sit on you, or eat you. It's unpredictable.
This beached whale is just another reminder that accidents DO happen and some people should put a condom on it.
by TheObsure February 18, 2015
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Beached Whale Status

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The moment in which you now no longer resemble a human being but look more like a beached whale ready to take its eternal rest. protocal requires you to update you facebook status to read "beached whale status", but chances are your not gonna get it up there.

**You are now at the point of no return, you will not move for the rest of the night unless there is an emergency**
idiot: yo hand me my phone

You: dude i cant im beached whale status right now
by Mr.DirkAsFuck March 5, 2011
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Awkward Beached Whale

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N. In the same category as the awkward turtle, awkward flag, and awkward moose, the awkward beached whale is the act of placing one's palms face-down on-top-of each other, such that the thumbs stick out to either side. The individual then proceeds to alternately wiggle the thumbs. For maximum awkwardness, proceed to make sounds similar to that of the blue whale.

V. To do as described above.
Person 1: "Wow, I feel awkward."

Multiple People: "Hmm, not us. I guess it's just you."

Person 1: *Does awkward beached whale hand motions*

"Whooo...oahhhh....wahooah"

*Feels exceedingly less awkward*

Multiple People: "Wow, we feel awkward now."
by captainduncan December 10, 2008
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beached whale

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The act of taking a shit on the toilet seat and missing the toilet completely.
I was so drunk that I left a beached whale in your bathroom last night.
by spo April 7, 2005
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Beached Whale

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A fatt-ass bitch that has been put out the pasture
by 123 January 13, 2005
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Beached whale

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When a large fat woman goes so long without sex that she'd physically dried up.
Like a beached whale!
"Dude, your moms a total beached whale"
"She gets more than you know.."
"From who?!?!"
"You don't want to know.."
by GAVIN ELMO January 13, 2009
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Beached whale

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a young man, who is short, fat, ugly, had black curly hair, resembles a whale but is human, tends to lay on the beach as if he is washed up on shore and responds to the name ZG.
wow, did you see beached whale today?
No. but his mom june was looking pretty fine.
by ad991223 November 17, 2009
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