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What the Monkey!

What the Monkey!” is an expression which can be applied to almost any situation. It is not a question, it is a statement. Something like "What the F'"but to avoid cursing. "What the Monkey" is an expression usually when you are describing some kind of accident or surprise that had happened but it's funny. Like you watch some Funny Home Video about a guy trying to make a dive in the pool but the board broke or a cows trying to chase after you and make love.
Mary: "Hey, Kevin passed out last night and they stuck a carrot in his nose and a Pineapple on his head. Then they took pictures"
Peter: "Hahaha...What the Monkey!"

Wes: "What the Monkey!! Who the heck threw my underwear on the chandelier?"
by Bard777 August 2, 2011
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Fucked The Monkey

To perform a slight error that unwittingly caused horrible, catastrophic level events

reference to: the widely-believed myth that AIDS began after someone fucked a monkey, caught the disease and then spread it through mankind.
A: "so I was writing a dirty email to my girl and accidentally sent it to my boss, her husband found it on her phone, thought she was cheating, and killed her and himself, now the company is folding and 400 people are without work and since this is a private hospital it's leaving 1000 patients without care....."

B: "dude, you fucked the monkey"
by Dyrk Diggler April 1, 2011
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wearing the monkey

To wear an item of clothing that you have previously ejaculated into, e.g. a monkey sock.
Me:Dude I ran out of socks today and ended up wearing a monkey sock.
Friend: are you telling me you are wearing the monkey right now.... gross
by felix844 July 2, 2012
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beat the monkey

I am going to stay home and beat the monkey.
by thisismoi January 13, 2008
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Summoning the monkey

Summoning the monkey: a euphemism for masturbation.

Originally coined by Liam O'Brien of the Critical Role D&D ensemble, and subsequently (maybe) made canon by DM Matt Mercer's explanation that summoning the monkey is the past time of many a wizard in their early years of training.
Sam: Have you seen Liam?
Laura: He's in the bathroom, probably summoning the monkey.
Sam: Thanks, I think I'll join him.
by Artagan000 May 3, 2021
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Speak to the organ grinder not the monkey.

Wanting to talk to the boss not his sidekick.
Organ grinders being the boss, and the monkey being the one who helps him out.

Normally used in a conversation to describe the 'monkey' as someone who's interfering and defending or covering for the the 'organ grinder'.
Shut up! I wish to speak to the organ grinder not the monkey.
by Jadeeeeeeee8 May 30, 2010
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Punch the monkey's head in

To stroke one's penis vigorously, particularly the head; to masturbate; to jack off; to flog one's self; to "take care of business"; to wank
Little Johnny was about to punch the monkey's head in when his mum walked into his room unannounced causing much embarrassment for both parties
by Retrovertigo April 26, 2010
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