i pad kid

a kid who is physically bent over an electronic while doing most of their tasks during the day; has their face shoved so deep into their fucking phone while eating- in other words it describes brady

brady is an i pad kid

by akdjdkekskxkxkkejenendjskd March 12, 2022

I beat my kids

It's when a parent or guardian brings physical harm to their child, it could be out of anger, enjoyment, annoyance, etc.

Parent/Guardian: I don't like the way my kids look so i beat my kids. *shoots son in the arm* Ha ha take that brat.

Son: Ow, that hurt. Please stop beating me, i'm your kid.

by IBeatMyKids April 20, 2022

The 'I have kids' defense

The ultimate trump card. When you're down and out it's the last defense you have against people trying to justify your repositioning in society.

Hym "A prime example of the 'I have kids' defense is KRISTI NOEM. In her interview after it was revealed that she shot her own dog, she DESPERATELY tried to employ this defense before being shoved out of the spotlight. 'I'm a mother! I wanna go upies! Not downies! Nooooooooooo!' Heheheheh... And a more recent example is Andrew Tate's interview after getting out recently. 'I have kids! I'm supposed to be able to do whatever I want! Anything and everything is justifiable when you have kids!' Ha! It's ALWAYS THE CASE! He stole? He had to steal for the kids! Why does policy need to change? The kids? Why did we bomb those kids? The kids of course. But your kids are just you. Nothing changed when you had them. Maybe, socially, you moved into the class of people that other people have to give a shit about by way of extension. That's not real a change though. Your kids = You. Their inflated value exists only in relationship to you. Saying 'MY kids are more important than anything' is no different that saying 'I'm more important than anything.' You. Same thing."

by Hym Iam August 24, 2024

I have granted kids to hell

If you decoded this message using the record of Ashley's song in WarioWare: Touched!, you probably had way too much time on your hands.

I wonder what happens if I play around with the record like a toy...
(spins record at fast speed, hears "I have granted kids to hell")
Oh no! I think my parents heard what I did! Now they're gonna kill me and file an FCC complaint.

by The Real Driller August 19, 2023

I was kidding

Used when someone does'nt want to explain or emphasis something more and wants to move on, other than the person actually kidding.

"I was kidding about us dating, we could never ha..."

by na01 December 11, 2022

I eat kids

Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

I piped the door I eat kids

by Jjjjdnxnnxx May 28, 2022

But I don't threaten kids though!

Neither do I!

A doofus "But I don't threaten kids though!"

Hym "I've never threatened any kids! I've told people exactly what would happen if I had to live like this and I've told them exactly what I would or would not do and exactly why I would do it. In explicit terms. The child death LITERALLY couldn't be any more avoidable for you! I've basically written an instruction manual on how to get me to NOT murder the kids and YOU DID THE OPPOSITE! If it isn't me validating your status hierarchy or your moral presuppositions... YOU DON'T WANT IT! You don't give a shit whether or not I walk outside my door and neck stab the little kids that always play basketball outside my apartment! That's all 'society' cares about. Not ME. There is no duty to me you're fulfilling. It's just getting your overlords to stamp my ticket into heaven or being the abstract phantom so I don't get in the way of the solipsists (which are just those same overlords)."

by Hym Iam May 2, 2024