functionally-retarded

Adjective describing a person(s) who has just enough brain cells to survive; devoid of common sense and mental aptitude.

Dave is such a tool. I bet he can't even wipe his own ass. He's functionally-retarded.

People suck. Most of the general public is functionally-retarded.

by Brett319 June 17, 2008

Functional alcoholic

Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.

Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".

Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.

by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016

Chief Funster

"Chief Funster" (or if you're from Massachusetts, it's the Chief Funstahhhhh) was coined by Tourism Australia as one of "the best jobs in the world". The Chief Funster is described as the social media commentator for Sydney, Australia. The Chief Funster blogs and tweets their way around New South Wales sharing their experiences with the world. If you break it down, “chief” represents stellar leadership skills and “funster” represents the mode in which this person gets their work done. A Chief Funster is a real rock star who loves meeting new people and can have a conversation with anyone. A Chief Funster is dedicated, detail oriented and is an "all action" kind of person. The Chief Funster is ALL about the fun!!!

An example of a Chief Funster is BMAC. BMAC is a social media enthusiast who enjoys sharing her life experiences through Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Wordpress, Instagram, Vine, etc. As Chief Funster, it is hard to contain BMAC's enthusiasm, creativity and passion for living life to it's fullest. One a scale of 1-FUN, BMAC is Chief Funster, fun!

by BMACtastic May 6, 2013

Functionally High

When a person smokes enough marijuana to feel its effects, but not enough to alter competence at regular daily tasks or create a lasting low after the effects have worn off.

Becoming functionally high is a skill that comes naturally for some, and for others takes a long time to develop and master.

Person 1: I just got some killer bud from a friend of mine. Wanna smoke?

Person 2: Ok, but I have work in an hour. I guess I'll go in functionally high.

by DJAlexxander September 8, 2011

funopause

When a friend hits a stage in their life where they stop having fun, usually after the age of 30, and completely alienate all of their friends.

Kerp hit funopause and has been a mopey bastard ever since, he even gave up bowling!

by RAW Brewing December 4, 2015

Chubby Funster

(1) Ricky Gervais

(2) a chubby person who seeks out fun and humor in all situations.

Bob asks "Who's Ricky Gervais?"
Carol replies "He's a comedian"
Bob says "?"
Carol responds "You know, the chubby funster"

by Tottieson December 23, 2008

too gay to function

A male who is blatantly gay but acts like he is still in the closet and no one knows, when around other males, he cannot help but be flustered and out of sorts

Damian from the movie, Mean Girls is still "too gay to function" in Mean Girls the Reunion

by 5GuysGoingOneWay November 21, 2013