Ear Wank

To Ear Wank (verb) is the act of firmly inserting a finger into one's own ear and then fairly vigorously jerking the hand up and down.

The person who is "ear wanking themselves off" experiences an intense satisfaction; not dissimilar to, yet still distinct from, the same satisfaction experienced when scratching an unpleasant itch.

An Ear Wank (noun) comes from the verb, and describes the act of undergoing an ear wank.


Note that it is possible in theory to ear wank other people off, but due to the risks involved (eg. ear wax) it is rarely practiced and not widely accepted in Western Society.

Alex: "Tom... WHAT are you doing?"

Tom: "I'm ear wanking."

Alex: "Oh. Looks weird."

Tom: "Yeah."

by Mrweh October 18, 2008

Cry wank

When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time

Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*

by Sad fuck March 25, 2020

Wank fairy

A mysterious being who, after a guy has masturbated in bed and not bothered to wipe up after, arrives and cleans up the area.

Responsible for the disappearance of cum

"The tooth fairy takes teeth - the wank fairy takes jizz - simple as that"

by Benjalo November 16, 2009

wasted wank

When the act of maturbation is disturbed causing loss of momentum or ejaculation in your pants because some inconsiderate person has turned up uninvited

I downloaded some wicked porn last night and was knocking one out then my mum walked through the door 2 hours early as I was just about to shoot my load, what a wasted wank

by Djc2508 January 16, 2014

Wank balance

The level of jizz in the male sexual organs, for example if you haven't had a wank for a week you have a healthy wank balance, if you wank 8 times a day then your overdrawn

I need to refuel the tank - my wank balance is running low after this mornings work out

by sharkfest August 1, 2016

wank slacks

A pair of trousers (usually an old pair of jogging bottoms with an elastic waistband) in which a male can comfortably masturbate whilst wearing, thus creating warmth on a cold night without the need for a duvet or blanket.

Called fap slacks across the Atlantic.

"I see mikes got his wank slacks on, guess we know what he'll be doing later!"

by 240490 September 21, 2012

wank-machine

1.(noun) Referring to a person, usually a male, who masturbates obssessively multiple times daily.

2.(noun) Referring, in a degrading manner, to anyone who holds a very high opinion of themselves but is actually just an idiot.

1. Man, Clive is a wank-machine of note. He spanked his little monkey thirteen times yesterday.

2. Fiddy is such a wank-machine.

by Jeby March 20, 2006