Shopping Cart Theory

An everyday test over morality and responsibilty over the simple task of returning a shopping cart after unloading groceries. You aren't forced by the law to return it, you won't get any punishment for not returning it, you won't get rewarded for doing it, it doesn't take a lot of time or effort to return it, but it is the right thing to do and it organises the parking lot and makes it easier for the next people to use the shopping cart. Most people should be able to return it unless they are in a hurry. Ultimately, it's a test to see if people can do the right thing without being forced or rewarded.

"You're just gonna leave that cart there?"
"Yeah."
"You failed the shopping cart theory."
"What the hell are you talking about?"

by ItsRonny January 7, 2025

Jess Twitter Theory

The theory that suggests that most (if not all) Fandom Twitter accounts in existence were created by @jessbian from twitter

Person 1: Dude I just found out the SSJ4 Gogeta Parody account was ran by Jess!
Person 2: And I just found out the Studio Mappa Parody account is ran by Jess!
Person 1: Jess Twitter Theory strikes again!

by powerluver January 23, 2025

Secret History Theory

The belief that what you learned in school is a sanitized fairy tale, and that real history is a hidden narrative of power struggles, secret elites, and suppressed truths. Professor Jiang’s “Secret History” lectures claim to strip away the official myths to reveal how power actually works—often through covert networks, ideological manipulation, and recurring cycles of corruption and collapse. It’s for people who think history class was a CIA plot and that the real story is always juicier, darker, and more consequential.

“Bro, Secret History Theory says the Roman Empire didn’t fall because of barbarians—it was a secret cult of billionaire patricians who engineered the crisis to reset the debt clock. That’s why we’re living in the Pax Americana version 2.0.”

by Abzugal January 24, 2026

Predictive History Theory

A method of forecasting the future by treating history like a repeating algorithm. Inspired by Isaac Asimov’s “psychohistory,” Jiang argues that large‑scale human behavior follows predictable patterns—like the rise and fall of empires, the outcomes of great‑power rivalries, and the timing of major wars. By identifying these “historical structures,” you can supposedly make scarily accurate prophecies about coming events. It’s geopolitics meets fortune‑telling, with a Yale degree.

“Predictive History Theory nailed the 2024 U.S. election and the Iran‑Israel conflict a year in advance. Next up? It says China will peak in 2035 and then face a ‘Soviet‑style’ unraveling. Check the charts, man.”

by Abzugal January 24, 2026

Pax Judaica Theory

The idea that a new world order led by Jewish intellectual, financial, and political influence is emerging—a “Jewish peace” that will replace the fading Pax Americana. Jiang’s lecture on the topic draws on biblical prophecy, historical models of diaspora power, and game‑theory calculations to argue that Jewish elites (especially in the U.S. and Israel) are uniquely positioned to steer global affairs without direct empire‑building. It’s a controversial, often conspiracy‑tinged forecast of a post‑Western hegemony.

“Pax Judaica Theory claims that within 50 years, the real capital won’t be Washington or Beijing—it’ll be Tel Aviv and New York City. The ‘chosen people’ will finally be the choosers, and the rest of us will just pay the rent.”

by Abzugal January 24, 2026

Applied Game Theory

Using game‑theory models to explain real‑world politics, economics, and social behavior. Jiang strips away the abstract math and applies concepts like the prisoner’s dilemma, zero‑sum games, and Nash equilibria to everything from dating to nuclear brinkmanship. The idea is that if you can figure out the “payoff matrix” of any situation, you can predict—and even manipulate—the choices of the players. It’s strategy for geeks who want to rule the world.

“Applied Game Theory explains why the U.S. and China are stuck in an arms race: it’s a classic ‘security dilemma’ where neither side can back down without looking weak. Spoiler: the only winning move is to change the game.”

by Abzugal January 24, 2026

Great Books Theory

The conviction that the classic texts of Western (and global) literature—from Homer to Dante to Shakespeare—contain timeless wisdom about human nature, morality, and the forces that shape history. Jiang argues that these “Great Books” are not just old stories; they are encoded manuals for understanding the present and navigating the future. Reading them is like downloading the software of civilization itself.

“Great Books Theory says that if you want to predict the next Trump, read Macbeth. If you want to understand modern propaganda, read *1984*. And if you want to know where society is headed, crack open the Iliad—it’s all there, dude.”

by Abzugal January 24, 2026