Caffiend

1 - A person hopelessly addicted to caffeine

2 - A person who has consumed caffeine to the point of becoming non-functional

1 - "Dude, it's 10am and that's like your fifth cup of coffee!" "I know, I'm a caffiend and cannot function without it."

2 - "Dude! Did you see Rhonda? She talking 93 mph and started dancing in her cube!" "Yeah... She's a caffiend today."

by Mighty Wombat September 13, 2013

coffee dreads

a state of being which is quite unpleasant; when one drinks too much coffee, and as a result feels very anxious

Jay: Hey Lu what do?
Lucy: Hey. I can't tell if I'm nervous about something or if I just drank too much coffee.
Jay: Ah, the coffee dreads. Brutal.

by violentviolet October 10, 2013

coffee paradox

When even the simplest task is impossible to perform before drinking coffee.
From Socrates theory that sometimes making coffee is too complex to tackle before drinking coffee.

That giant mess on the counter occurred because of coffee paradox. I put the grounds in, I put the water in, and I turned it on. But I forgot to put the pot under that water drippy thingy so now I'm sucking the coffee out of this towel until I get enough coffee in me to do it correctly.

by barkinspider December 6, 2013

caffeining up

Drinking one cup of caffeine after the other to keep yourself awake to survive a long day at work.

Komal has been caffeining up all day.

Hey stop caffeining up, you wouldn't be able to fall asleep otherwise.

by yogapranam March 16, 2014

caffeine deficit disorder

When one is extremely sluggish and unable to think about anything but coffee. Timing varies, but it is often reported to be particularly intense at 6 am, 9:30 am and 3:30 pm.

Oh man, my Caffeine Deficit Disorder (CDD) is totally kicking in, if I don't get some coffee soon this hole day will be a waste of breath.

by Stoolie May 23, 2014

Coffee Vulture

A person who knows the sound of a coffee maker quite well, though never brews a pot. As soon as a coffee vulture hears the sweet sound of morning ecstasy brewing they immediately drop whatever unimportant task is being poorly done to find the source. Once located, a coffee vulture will then spectate, possibly drooling down its shirt. Whilst waiting awkwardly in a doorway or some other location that obstructs the flow of traffic, a vulture never lets its beady eyes leave the objective. Silently waiting either because watching is as much as its little brain can handle or because it has been labeled a fucking idiot and no one fucking gives a shit what this piece of shit has to say anyways. Upon the coffee maker's completion of its task the vulture waddles over and pours a cup before anyone else. The vulture is first not due to speed, but rather the overall repugnant nature of such a 'person', once the vulture's destination is known that area is then vacated and avoided until it has left. Upon filling its cup the vulture then returns to whatever meaningless task it was doing, periodically returning for more coffee until dry. After which this piece of shit might say, "Looks like we're out of coffee." in hopes that someone more useful than they may make another pot it can wait on.

"Is the coffee done yet?"
"No, the coffee vulture is still in there."
"Damn, I guess I'll just wait."

by Sexy Al Capone August 19, 2014

coffee pot poacher

Coffee pot poachers: Alert

Definition: A person or persons who is engaged in a covert mission to roam the building in search of fresh coffee. Once fresh coffee is found they will kill the pot and disappear without a trace. No thought of making a new pot crosses their mind.
What to look for: These people are very hard to spot and blend in very well with the rest of the office personnel. You must be sneaky and spend copious amounts of time near the pot to even get a glimpse of their clandestine mission. They are crafty and should not be approached. They will adamantly defend their position that they “did not know the pot was empty!”

Did you see the coffee pot poacher? We must have just missed him I can still smell him aftershave!

by Reelriver April 27, 2015