Lauren is a unique woman who claims to be from North
Jersey but in
reality is from SLOWER
JERSEY (AKA South
Jersey). This is a sensitive issue and any mention of it should be avoided.
Lauren does NOT enjoy grocery shopping but chooses instead to “Shop On Line.” She does this because of her inability to control her violent urge to assault other shoppers by punching them in the throat when they get in her way. She is known to have low tolerance for other individuals shopping at the same
time as her. Lauren is well known in the store for using the “Shop At Home” option but then NOT going to the store to claim her shopped items...
In addition to the above, Lauren is also known as an “Excellent Driver” like Rainman. She claims to enjoy road trips but does not enjoy driving in NYC or other inner city environments because of all the congestion. Be careful when she is on the road or behind you because her urge to drive you off the road is definitely a factor.
Lauren is also excellent at harvesting kidney’s from
men. She has lots of surgical tools including Flunitrazepam (also known as Rohypnol among other names) and with lots of contacts on the black market & dark web, she can make a nice profit on the harvested organs.
But
don’t let the above fool you. She is an AMAZING woman who is
fun to chat with, is beautiful, articulate,
funny with a razor sharp wit and if given the chance,
will definitely steal your heart and kidney at the same
time.
Oh no... is that Lauren pushing a shopping
cart into the Supermarket???? YES it is...
better call
EMS now, there are going to be a LOT of casualties.
