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Jesus

The holy deity of Christianity, who's portrayal in the Holy Bible is a plagiarism of many preceding religions; most notably, Egyptian mythology. Jesus was no different from any of his followers or anyone before or after his time, yet the Christian Church, for want of money and a brainwashed public, teach his messages worldwide, and even go as far as to have their followers travel abroad as missionaries to attempt to persuade completely content people to throw aside all they have ever believed in to accept these new religious beliefs. Indeed, the death of Jesus the average Jew has drawn in billions of dollars to the Church, who, in turn, pays no taxes. In the words of George Carlin: "Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time."
Me: "Hey man, why do you believe in Jesus?"
Ignorant Christian: "Because that's just how I was raised, and I, being the archetypal Christian, have forever sealed off my mind from alternate religious standpoints."
by Satan Johnson March 20, 2008
mugGet the Jesusmug.

jesus

by BoredGuy101 March 16, 2009
mugGet the jesusmug.

Jesus

prononoced Haysaus hay saus hay-saus a chump.
jesus (haysaus) does believe he is miraculous.
by batman and umpire atagachu January 13, 2021
mugGet the Jesusmug.

`Jesus

I woke up and in my bed next to me was `Jesus.
by Jesus Christoher March 22, 2009
mugGet the `Jesusmug.

Jesus

If you don't know who Jesus is you're retarded
Bob: "Praise Jesus!"
Joe: "Who's that?"
Bob: "My mexican friend who saved my flowers from weeds!"
Joe: "How extrordinary!"
by p69er June 23, 2009
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jesus

An anti-war pinko and welfare state advocate who lived in ancient Israel.
Uninformed Reactionary Prick: Who is this Heyzeus fella? Sounds like a goddamned commie if ya ask me. Turn the other cheek..... what kinda pinko made up that bullshit?

URP #2: I ain't givin my hard earned money to them lazy poor people. What kinda bleeding-heart tree-humper came up with that idea? Jesus? Where'd ya here that from? The bible? Your pullin my leg.
by unpigeonholeable July 23, 2009
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jesus

Main character in Son-O-God comics. Worlds first Ophthalmologist/Orthopedist. Suspected communist.
Q. Why did Jesus cross the road?

A. Because he was nailed to the chicken.
by scut monkey August 9, 2009
mugGet the Jesusmug.

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