carpenter

A man who has wood and does things with it. Carpenters use their tools for such purposes as screwing, drilling, and reaming. Rubbing and sawing away at old logs are also common activities. Nailing, while definitely an important part of carpentry, is not nearly as good as screwing. Carpenters also often get glue all over their wood.
While carpentry is an important and serious subject - after all, without it, we wouldn't have such things as chairs, desks, tables and doors - the terminology of carpentry is fraught with opportunities to make crass sexual innuendos.
Carpenters themselves, of which I am one, exploit these opportunities whenever possible.
Jesus was a famous carpenter, but all the jokes were removed by po-faced editors when he wrote The Bible.

Drilling, screwing, nailing, reaming, rubbing - all things done by a carpenter.

by Tony Prescott September 29, 2006

The Carpenter's Level

Sitting in a tub of water and farting while squeezing your legs together and trying to keep the fart bubble from coming out below your knees.By carefully raising or lowering your legs you can actually contain the bubble midway between the anus and the knees,thus attaining level.

Doing the carpenter's level in the tub is almost like playing one of those B-B in the maze games.

by wolfbait51 May 5, 2011

carpenters balls

a painful testicular condition caused by sitting on a hot tar roof all day. causes your balls to swell and ache to the extreme

carl got carpenters balls from working on his roof an could barely walk for a week

by jessica1# February 8, 2010

Charisma Carpenter

American Actress best known for portraying the character Cordelia Chase on the TV program Buffy The Vampire Slayer and its spin-off Angel. She was also featured on Veronica Mars, and can be seen in the 2010 big budget film The Expendables along side Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Sylvestor Stallone. She has posed for Playboy and is currently filming Fast Five with Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel, and Paul Walker.

Charisma Carpenter is an original cast member of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

by Serenity1976 July 11, 2010

Carpenters Cut

When stuck on a building site with no toilet paper someone who needs to pass solids could use the carpenters cut. It is a process of spreading your ass cheeks wide and then letting them go back together as the solid is passed. Thus creating a carpenters cut and removing the need of toilet paper.

Carl "I have no toilet paper and need to go number two to relieve myself. I am in a silight situation what ever could I do"

Stephen "But Carl you can use the carpenters cut and forget the toilet paper"

by Paul131279 February 22, 2007

Carpenter's Dick

When you wear pants that accidentally outline your package.

Similar to a "plumber's butt", but with your dick.

Frank: I hate it how Tom keeps wearing pyjama pants to work every Monday.
Julia: Yeah, it gives him a serious case of the carpenter's dick....it's distracting.

by incufilter November 14, 2016

Played the Carpenter

Getting nailed biblical style.

We were totally doing missionary and he totally played the carpenter.

by FKTR September 25, 2010