I guarantee it

George Zimmer's closing statement, especially after the successful use of his monolithic man meat.

Hi, I’m George Zimmer, founder and CEO of the men's wearhouse. While surreptitiously plunging my rosy-cheeked cyclopean ally into the anal cavity of a young migrant farm worker of indeterminate gender in the front row of a movie theater, the poor youth screamed for more than three minutes straight, finally coughing up a load of 100% pure Zimmer sauce and passing out. The other movie patrons, angry at the interruption of the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl in 3-d, began pelting me with drinks, food, and phone numbers hastily written on napkins. Unfortunately, my outrageously dapper suit was ruined in the process. I nonchalantly pulled the unconscious youth off my enormous eyeball gouger and stripped nude. Then, with a bestial roar, I beat the entire audience to death--without leaving the front row. On my way out, in the custom of the Zimmer family, I gave them a burial at semen. I guarantee it.

by ms. anonymous September 10, 2008

guarantold

To be guaranteed that what has been said or "told" is true.

Goomba: The prophecy has been "guarentold" that a man named "Big D" will come and spook you when you are least expecting it.

Big D: SPAGOOT!...gotchya

Goomba: THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN GUARANTOLD !

by dan pawlett December 1, 2009

George Foreman Guarantee

It is the highest form(around 100%) of any guarantee followed by the Men's Warehouse Guarantee(around 75%) and then the Ed from Jersey Guarantee (around 25%). The George Foreman is not to be violated and the punishment for such violation will be harsh.

Rich Davis: Covino, bro I George Foreman guarantee that Spot will get some this weekend.

1 week later...

Covino: It is now time for Rich's slap in the face and pie disgrace for violating the George Foreman.

Rich: I should've gone with the Men's Warehouse.

by BeastlyDoughboy January 10, 2009

Yotam guarantee

(noun): An unwavering assurance that if Yotam promises something, it will unquestionably be accomplished. Yotam's name has become synonymous with reliability and effectiveness, representing a steadfast commitment to delivering on their word.

Person 1: "I think this company is a scam"
Person 2: "No man, they have the Yotam guarantee"

by señor mo July 17, 2023

guaransheed

Certain, inevitable, destined to occur. Primarily used to denote that said action will be done with maximal gangsta steeze. Popularized by noted baller Rasheed Wallace.

"Yo, we gon' win on sunday. It's guaransheed."

by The Feight Train June 13, 2008

Guaranteed TD

Used as a phrase stemming from NCAA Football 2006 in which someone is so good at the game that before the ball is snapped, they are so confident in the play's potential success, they simply say: "Guaranteed TD." (guaranteed touchdown)

The phrase is then used whenever someone is confident about any other ocurrence in one's life about to take place.

Scenario is usually posed as a question, followed by "Guaranteed TD" at the very end.

Can also be used in shortened notation: i.e. "GTD."

"2nd & 3?" "Defense in cover 2?" "Trips left?" "HB Direct? "Pulsating?"....GUARANTEED TD...or...real life example...Having some girls over eh? Beer pong? Watching a movie and cuddling after? pleeease....Guaranteed TD.

by Jimmy33 December 9, 2005

gurras

aboriginal slang for "testicles"

"Hey cuz, you be slappin dem gurras on ya moojies date last night huh!"
"You'll soon know when i be draggin' you around by ya gurras!"

by gubba October 1, 2004