Jesus Christ

Yes, it's multiple parts this one...

*The wilderness*

Lucifer "Oh what in the fuck is it now!?"

Jesus "Hey man! Long time no see! What's it been? 30 years? I'm a guy now."

Lucifer "This is what you've been doing!? You can't be a guy!"

Jesus "I am. I'm Jesus Christ now."
Lucifer "JESUS CHRIST!"

Jesus "Yep."

Lucifer "Jesus Christ! This is ridiculous. You can't be a guy. Change back! Change back immediately!"

Jesus "Oho can't I? Are you my dad now? Ok father. I won't be a guy *Father*."

Father "I don't need to be your father to- Wait... *Father* YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are you going to do!? What are THEY going to do!? They are going to fuck your shit up!"

Jesus "Oh I know."

Father 😨

Jesus 🤨

Father "What the fuck is happening right now..."

Jesus "Uuuuummmm I'm a guy now. I did some cool stuff. They're going to kill me. And.. then... I'm... Gonna... I donno... I'll just come back or something. Or not. Or come back for a bit and then go back and then come back later. It's gonna be tight!"

Father "Jesus Christ... That is fucking stupid man. Absolutely dumb. Why would you come here just to let em kill you?"

Jesus "Save me then idiot! Heheheh!"

Lucifer "No. No, I'm not going to save you from- What is there to even save you from?"

Jesus "Exactly. Hey, we're having a party man you should come out! We got... Um... Bread. We're gonna split a bottle of wine between... Well, between the 14 of us I guess. It's gonna be dope."

Father "TSK! Getthefuckouttaherewiththat! No! NO! I'm not going to 'party' and I'm not going to be a part of any of this."

Jesus "Your loss man parties are fun."

Father 😨

Jesus "Alright man I'll see you later." 😌🖐

Father 😨
by Hym Iam August 09, 2023
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Jesus Christ!

Hym “JESUS CHRIST! ‘Jews can work for me as long as I can spy on them and put cameras in their house and follow everything they do’!? He went full Dr. JeepJorp! That’s what the living god Dr. Jordan PeeperJorp thinks! WOOOOOW! Wow! That’s crazy man! And ‘if you don’t believe in Jesus you shouldn’t have any power.’ Holy shit, we are in full Christian theocracy mode. Ha! Hilarious! That is wild. This is wild.”
by Hym Iam December 07, 2022
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Rave Jesus

you basically grab your nearest metal head that has a beard and long hair and throw them in a rave (specifically at a cosplay convention) Give them a little spike-glowstick crown like Jesus and give something to drink like alcohol and BOOM you got your self a rave Jesus
Guy 1: GUYS LOOK, ITS THE RAVE JESUS!!
everyone: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Rave Jesus: *passed out on the floor*
by goth_jesus April 08, 2024
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Jesus Cumming

Jesus did cum in his time he had cum 3000 times as soon as he was born.
I was watching Jesus Cumming
by JESUS CUMMING April 05, 2023
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Jesus jazz

Christian rock performed in a megachurch (often by dudes whose 80's hair bands didn't make it big).
She's all into Jesus jazz and bible study.
by whittlesshittlestendervittles December 30, 2012
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Jesus Sandals

XXXTentacion sandals:
Leather (Designer) Sandals with 3 straps and hook up to your ankle
Wow, XXXTentacion has the best Louis Vuitton Jesus sandals ON EARTH🌎
by liddlejadde December 16, 2018
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Pretty Women Love Jesus

PWLJ is an abbreviation for Pretty Women Love Jesus and can be used when one female believer agrees with another
The gorgeous girl over there agrees with my statement. She is very pretty, pretty women love Jesus
by vcxa May 13, 2021
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