Jesus

The all mighty lord

Jesus has the power of 100,000,000,000,0000,000,000,000,000 gods.

by Quandale_dingle the 3rd June 1, 2022

Jesus

The most popular power bottom of all time!

“…But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.”
(Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:39–41, ESV).

by xander.with.an.x April 23, 2023

Jesus Piece

A man’s genitals, specifically the shaft

Girl throw throw those yams on my Jesus piece

by Jahnutz August 3, 2024

Jesus

Jesus is a dumbass he likes Rylie but won’t admit it he has orange hair and looks like ginger overall he is in love with Rylie

Jesus likes Rylie

by I do t know November 24, 2021

Jesus

A fictional character who is the figure head of the Christian faith. One of 4,200 religions here on planet earth. There is absolutely no historical evidence at all that he ever existed. None. Jesus didn't die on a cross as it is physically impossible to nail a human to a crucifix and that human defeat gravity. Jesus was not born without his father impregnating his mother, that is completely impossible and goes against anything science and medicine tells the human race today. Jesus and his cultists do not believe in science or medicine. Logic and common sense are also viewed as an attack on "faith" which allows his followers, especially here in the States of America, to cry and bitch about ANYONE who disagrees with their infantile bullshit. Jesus was invented so that Christians could control other humans, especially women. This is also a common thread in almost all religions which not only degrade women, it allows wars to be fought in his name killing millions of non combatants and blaming other religions for being somehow wrong. Catholics use Jesus to rape and sexually assault under age boys by the tens of thousands while their supposed conduit to "heaven" turns a blind eye to the cancer. They would rather murder women for getting an abortion than stop all of the pedophiles infesting their church. Jesus is also a grift for churches here in the States of America.

Soldier 1: Oh man, that was a close one! That almost hit me!

Soldier 2: Jesus fucking christ that was close!

Some zealot: Do you have Jesus in your heart?

Poor bastard: No it's blood. Who the fuck is Jesus?!

Joel Osteen: Jesus has a plan for you!
My asshole: Joel, go fuck yourself you goddamn Jesus grifter!!

by Asymmetric shits for trump September 28, 2022

go find jesus

When your credit card customer service agent is refusing to help you with an issue and they keep repeating something irrelevant to your current problem over and over and over again - so often that you finally get upset and raise your voice, and then they threaten to end the call as if that's a threat, so you ask for their employee number and they say, yes, I can give that to you. So you ask for it, and then they tell you their name only, so you ask for their employee number again. And then they get all scared and say: I told you my name. So you say: what am I supposed to do? Call this giant company back and ask for the most generic name ever? So he tells you that the call is being recorded at which point you inform him that "god hates liars and thieves" and then you pull the phone away from your ear, put the speaker end towards your mouth and say, go find jesus. Basically, you say this to a person who is being a ridiculous heathen.

Go find jesus *hangs up the phone*

by MeleeYourFace March 25, 2025

Jesus Hair

1. Something unknown or mysterious, and/or with mysterious origins.

2. An object that is near impossible to find or get.

1.
Person A: What is kept inside this dungeon?

Person B: An artifact. Some sort of Jesus hair.

2.

Person A: What do I need to make said potion.

Person B: You'd need to find a Jesus hair kept somewhere in the distant lands.

by red circle July 23, 2025