Mattress baguette

that large wide thick juicy dense baguette thats been sitting out all day and might be a little hard to cut

You're as thick as a mattress baguette.

by maezvi March 1, 2025

Club Mattress

The bed you lay in instead of going to the gym.

I'm supposed to get a work-out in, but I'm lounging in club mattress instead.

by PapiLoco June 20, 2010

Snow Mattress

When you live above the 40th parallel and you don't have a garage to keep your car in during the winter, you may find yourself driving around with an 8 inch thick slab of snow on the hood of your vehicle.

I thought that it was starting to snow while driving down the highway, but it was only coming from the giant snow mattress on top of the car in front of me.

by Mysterio 015 January 3, 2023

Mattress food

A sexually attractive woman

She looks like mattress food, I’ve got to feed her to my mattress.

by Daproduca May 20, 2022

mattress sniffer

A mattress sniffer, someone who hides under a bed in the hope of sniffing their ladies period leaks

Man I'm such a mattress sniffer, last night I hid under the bed with my wife's tampons so she had no choice but to leak her red gushing goodness everywhere

by StretchyRaff November 29, 2016

mattress-magnetism

A strong/intense EMF-field that emanates from your bed-springs; said powerful field creates a debilitating "pull" on the iron in your blood and thus makes it very hard for you to get out of bed, especially on those occasions when it is absolutely necessary for you to do so, such as when it's time to get ready for work, you "need to pee real bad", the telephone or doorbell rings, someone else in the household (child, pet, elderly house-guest, etc.) urgently requires your assistance, etc.

I am firmly convinced dat there is a great conspiracy among Sealy, Serta, and da other major mattress-manufacturers to intentionally create mattresses that mess with your body and cause you to feel groggy and heavy when trying to lift your head up off da pillow. Perhaps they specifically design their mattresses' coil-springs to act like magnetic coils that harness the earth's magnetic field and then create a strong magnetic pull on your iron-rich blood, this "mattress-magnetism" is why it's often such a gargantuan struggle to raise yerself off da sheets.

by QuacksO January 31, 2019

Gave them the mattress pump

To reveal to someone you’re engaged

“I wanted to take her by surprise revealing my ring so i gave them the mattress pump”

by socialelitist666 September 27, 2025