Mattress Jousting

Yes, it is a game played in college frat parties but has nothing to do with actual jousting. It is the act of two male parteners who are clearly intoxicated partaking in the act of sword fighting (this is where the jousting comes from) with their wangs on a bed (mattress).

It is commonly used as a joke to people who are clearly uninformed about the slang term.

Frat boy: Hey, Jason, do you want to go mattress jousting later on tonight?
Jason: No, I'm not gay
Frat Boy: I am

John's Older Brother: Hey John have you ever gone mattress jousting?
John trying to be cool: Yeah me and steve mattress joust all the time its fun as hell
Steve: I always win
(Arguing over who wins when both are now labeled queers
John's older brother: Wow?

by ogwannabee July 27, 2009

Missouri mattress

When you (Jack-off) on your brown recluse bite and then rub shit in it.

Supervisor : Bobby was late for work again.

Boss: yeah he needs to deal with that Missouri mattress or he's not gonna make the quotas.

by PhantomEagle November 24, 2023

Discord Mattress

A discord mattress is when a female of a discord server engages in sexual intercourse with more than one member of the discord in real life.

Ashley had sex with 4 guys from our discord server, Total discord mattress.

by TheWhittyOne September 7, 2023

Club Mattress

The bed you lay in instead of going to the gym.

I'm supposed to get a work-out in, but I'm lounging in club mattress instead.

by PapiLoco June 20, 2010

Snow Mattress

When you live above the 40th parallel and you don't have a garage to keep your car in during the winter, you may find yourself driving around with an 8 inch thick slab of snow on the hood of your vehicle.

I thought that it was starting to snow while driving down the highway, but it was only coming from the giant snow mattress on top of the car in front of me.

by Mysterio 015 January 3, 2023

minnesota memory foam mattress

When on a one night stand, and sleeping at the other person's residence, you wait until the other person is asleep. You then shit the bed, clean yourself off, and push the sleeping person into the shit you just left in the bed.

I'm not sure what happened, I just woke up completely covered in shit.

Sounds like he gave you the ol' Minnesota memory foam mattress!!

by talontd92tsi November 9, 2015

punching mattresses

something about a car seat
and maybe its headrest?

Will: you should stop punching mattresses.

by xxEnzoxx August 25, 2023