Canada's History

Similar to the rumored five-fingered Kung-Fu pimp slap of death, Canada's History is a sexual technique which can alternately lead to either a 36-hour orgasm .... or death.

Instruments used to initiate the illicit 'Canada's History' include a harmonica, a Plastic Man action figure, 2 lbs. of Wendigo fur, a vat of maple syrup, a jar of Nutella, a live duck, 2 packets of duck sauce, the Stanley Cup (full-size replica is allowed), a moose (live or mounted), a kazoo, the complete works of Era Pound, a tazer gun, 4 oz. of tatto ink, a ball gag, and a roll of Canadian quarters. For best results, individuals attempting Canada's History should have endured either a colonoscopy or a pedicure just hours before attempting the procedure.

International treaties prohibit the actual depiction of the technique, although a loophole allows us to provide a list of individuals who may or may not have attempted (and possible even survived) Canada's History:
Betty White
William Shatner
Grape Ape
Lex Luthor
Pres. William McKinley
D. B. Cooper
The black guy from Ghostbusters
Ronald McDonald
Naomi Wolf
Glen Beck
John Luvitz
Redd Foxx
and Rhea Perlman
"Hey, man, are you still getting laid when you go to Niagara Falls for vacation?'
"Well, let's just say Canada's History and leave it at that."
by ScrantonWordMeister February 10, 2010
Get the Canada's History mug.

Canada's History

1. The official magazine of Canada's National History Society

2. The history of that country north of the United States

3. A large rodent with a flat tail known for building dams

4. Another word to describe a female human vagina
Canada's History is just like a vagina... they both eat wood.
by MIATeddyBear February 05, 2010
Get the Canada's History mug.

Canada's History

A sexual act where a person defecates into a hockey glove and masturbates to moose porn.
Gordon Brown, an expert in Canada's History, always used CCM gloves for ultimate performance.
by cottagecheese420 February 05, 2010
Get the Canada's History mug.

Canada's History

A sexual act more vulgar, depraved, and degrading than The Aristocrats. A woman is bound and gagged and forced down onto her hands and knees, where a man pours several bottles of maple syrup on the Stanley Cup before forcibly inserting it into her ass. The woman must then keep the trophy in her ass as the man stands the Stanley Cup upright. He then puts on a set of moose antlers, climbs up the cup and on top of the woman, where he fucks her pussy and forces the Stanley Cup deeper into her ass.
Any man that can perform Canada's History on a woman must be a god!
by TheChill51999 February 05, 2010
Get the Canada's History mug.

canada's history

the rapist performed canada's history
by falcon4 is a douche February 05, 2010
Get the canada's history mug.

Canada's History

A sexual act so deviant it cannot be mentioned on TV or in front of an actual Canadian in fear that they might collapse and die of shock instantly. To perform a Canada's History the male partner must be wearing moose antlers and the female partner must be covered in maple syrup, The male then ejaculates into the Stanley cup then analy penetrates the female with a hockey stick while chanting O'Canada as he pours the contents of the Stanley cup on the female's head.
If the Penguins ask for their Stanley Cup back tell them to wash it first because I just gave Nancy a lesson on Canada's History. Also, How do you get dried maple syrup out of your pubes?
by Mysterio The Great February 05, 2010
Get the Canada's History mug.

Canada's History

1. Sex with Stephen Colbert, or masturbating to a sexual fantasy involving Stephen Colbert.

2. Sexual acts using maple syrup as a lubricant; so named because it is often a very memorable experience.

3. The term for a group of sex acts so depraved that even to describe them to a consenting adult in the privacy of your home amounts to a violation of censorship laws.

4. The term given to a case history of someone who suffers from a rare sexual disorder resulting from their involvement in sex acts perpetrated by officials employed by the Canadian government during the late 1990's and early 2000's.
1. Your friend: Do you fantasize about Jon Stewart?
You: Sure, Jon Stewart is great. But tonight I feel the only thing that's really going to hit the spot is a little lesson in "Canada's History" (wink, wink).

2. Your friend: What did you do last night?
You: I gave my girl a bit of Canada's History she won't soon forget!

3. We were feeling especially naughty, so we talked about Canada's History all night.

4. Psychiatrist 1: I really wanted to help that poor man, but I had no choice but to tell him that our clinic could not assist him in any way.
Psychiatrist 2: Why not?
Psychiatrist 1: He was afflicted with Canada's History.
Psychiatrist: Those syrup-sucking bastards...
by Buzz_killington February 16, 2010
Get the Canada's History mug.