Dick Jesus 

A man who believes his penis is God's gift to the world, but he does not know how to use it properly. A man who does not know how to please women sexually.

This term originated in 2018 when a group of women were describing very disappointing sexual encounters with men.

Monica: "I heard you got lucky with Trevor last night!"
Kate: "... we had sex..."
Sara: "Why the longface? I heard he was well endowed!"
Kate: "ya... but he's a total Dick Jesus"
Monica: "eew! Dick Jesus men are the WORST!"
Sara: "I don't care how beautiful his penis is, if he's a Dick Jesus, I'm not gonna waste my time."

Dick Jesus by Ovary Actor October 20, 2018

Dirty Jesus 

Bad ass beaner who eats more than just beans, and cuts more than just grass.

damn Dirty Jesus, you sure like beans. Go mow my lawn.

Dirty Jesus by sswankythegoat July 4, 2020

Light of Jesus 

When a player in Halo 2 or Halo 3 tricks a player to get close to him or her, and then throws a sticky grenade right onto the face of the player. This will make the view of the opposing player all bright from the light of the grenade. While throwing the grenade the player says "Light of Jesus" and then runs away.

I just Light of Jesus'ed that guy.

I am going to Light of Jesus this next player right in the face.

Light of Jesus by squirrelfarmer38235 June 8, 2009

kung-fu for jesus 

Some people in Alabama who are crazy and learn karate for Jesus. They are Pentecostal Crazies and speak in tongues. It's like Karate For Christ or something. It's freaky in a bad bad way.

onlooker#1: Dude, they just beat the shit out of that Hindu.
onlooker#2: Yeah, it's those crazy guys that do kung-fu for Jesus.

kung-fu for jesus by mofojimbo August 2, 2009

Don't Be Jesus 

A phrase, mostly used by friends and concerned lovers, to express a feeling of unease over one's current path of action, on the intuition that this path may lead to a violent end, sometimes but not exclusively by crucificationism.

Also can refer to acute messianic megalomania

Guy 1: Dude, I'm totally gonna go piss off those Roman soldiers by pretending to be the Messiah!
Guy 2: Don't be Jesus, man.

Guy 3: I CAN HEAL THE BLIND!!!1!
Guy 4: Whoa whoa, don't be Jesus now.

Don't Be Jesus by Tepea March 15, 2011

free pizza jesus 

When they hold a prayer event at your school and they give free pizza if you sit through it.

Person 1.) Aw man I have to deal with the free pizza jesus people today!
Person 2.) Well at least we get some quality pizza.
Person 1.) But they are so fucking annoying!

free pizza jesus by Free Pizza JESUS CHRIST ADASDA March 22, 2017

That's what Jesus said 

Clever retort applied where "That's what she said" could have been. Or even sometimes where it wouldn't be, the possibilities are endless.

"I'm just gonna hang around here for a while"

-"that's what Jesus said"

That's what Jesus said by SavKy January 11, 2009