Making Jesus cry

To masturbate
Comes from Christian parents telling their kids “Every time you masturbate, Jesus cries”
Jesus is interchangeable with Hod in this context

An example of “making Jesus cry”
Friend 1:Did you get laid last night?
Friend 2: No, I was so horny I had to make Jesus cry
Friend 1: Gross, tmi

by Comic Sanders May 31, 2019

The Jesus

What to say when you find anything vaguely cross-shaped absolutely anywhere, for any reason, and in any situation.

Yo bro! I just found The Jesus on this tree!

by KingFisherOE April 16, 2023

Paw Paw for Jesus

A phrase from a spoken short story which aired on This American Life from May 22, 1998. A woman stranded in the town of Paw Paw, MI finds the owner of a gas station very unhelpful. She recalls seeing the sign outside a church as she came into town, which proclaimed "Paw Paw for Jesus." She is angry the woman won't help her and starts shouting "Paw Paw for Jesus" to remind her of her Christian duty.

Paw Paw for Jesus!

by annmartina May 7, 2024

testing my Jesus

When someone pisses you off due to their rude, or otherwise bad behavior, and you begin to lose faith in humanity, that person is testing my Jesus

Can you believe Monica? I babysat her cat, picked her up from the airport, and took her to the mall when her car was dead - but when I need a favor, and I wouldn't really call it a favor if she's my bestie, she disappears like a cockroach when the lights come on. Friends like that be testing my Jesus.

by Siouxsie Supertramp November 20, 2023

Jesus Freaky

When born-again Christians exhibit unusually depraved sexual behavior stemming from their sexual repression.

Rick is all straight laced and likes sports and all that but behind closed doors, he loves getting pegged because he's Jesus Freaky.

by Kung Fu Jimmy December 7, 2023

Jesus

Jesus is a mf with a big ass dick and is very good at hooping he is also a very good friend he is very funny and very chill to be with he is also one of the realist people you’ll know.

Jesus is a goat

by Astro2Goated November 23, 2021

Jesus

When you see a nice body or something very tragic

1. Jesus that ass is fat.
2. Jesus man no one should die that way.

by jamezey October 8, 2021