Huntington Beach is a city that was once defined by it's
long and
rich surfing tradition. A foundation for championship surfing, inexplicably... A city now renowned for it's crime-free streets, world class professional Wiffleball leagues, and unrepentant police brutality. A city that pays
police enough to afford quality athletic supplements, so they can efficiently
police city streets that run amok with sexless teenagers, and efficiently armbar drunks downtown. Downtown does have it's issues though.
A town that is genuinely
beautiful and enjoys a consistent buzz and almost guilty popularity, rife with tough guys and far more wanna-be tough guys, most seemingly inspired by the coincidence of multiple HB locals participating in UFC bouts. Easy to get fights/plays in this town/area, if you're into that kind of thing, though.
A city that somehow believes itself superior to outlying inner cities like Santa
Ana & Anaheim, and
rich enough like southern Orange County cities like Newport & Laguna, that many Huntington residents exude an arrogance with no legitimate reason... Much like that crazy bitch you dated in
college, Huntington wants it both ways, and she wants it now.
A population full of insanely gorgeous women, bros, hos, pros, wealthy, a few super wealthy, a lot of
broke that create the functional support arm of the local
rich, a lot of really cool
people, some raging dickwads, a couple nazis that are vocal but get bitch-slapped often, Rastafari that don't know who Haile Selassie is, strippers, athlete summer homes, second homes, angry juiced cops, typical drug traffickers, and sand.
These two girls stole their
parents credit cards, stole one of their family cars, and ran away from home to Huntington Beach to meet up with a
guy named
Charlie. They'd casually met at a hotel bar during a business trip a year earlier in Memphis. He told some stories of his home town on the water, and never thought he'd see them again. They thought Huntington Beach was like Beverly Hills by the ocean. I mean, H.B., B.H.... it's soooo obvious!
They'd never seen the ocean before... When they tasted the sea air and saw the pier, they broke for the water and dove in totally clothed... danced around like idiots
forever, but it was
beautiful, at first. They realized they might need to change so we went home. They thought doing some acid would be a good idea, since they'd never done it before, and nobody would stop them due to the hilarity that would surely ensue... after all, they were in, like.. HOLLYWOOD & LA!! WE MADE IT TO HUNTINGTON BEACH!!! LET'S GET HIGH!! OMG YESSSS!!!!
90 minutes later they're smearing cherry lip-gloss in each others hair because it 'fucking rocks', running away when someone tries to stop them from stabbing themselves & eachother with greasy cherry flavored pencils, inserting Bic lighters into their vaginas (finally), only to run away to the corner of Florida & Yorktown, just to squat and simultaneously
piss in the street together while giggling hysterically. Oh, there was this
guy that looked like the comedian Steven Wright that took some doses too, but he was just from Cerritos or something and wasn't with them, and it was his first time too, and kept asking why everyone calls this place "HB"... Because it's a fucking acronym you cause for abortion... anyhoo... he started talking like a
goat, and was like, 'I'
M IN H-BEEEE-EE-EE-EE BRA-A-A-A-A-A... A-A-A-N-D I'
M ON A-A-C-I-I-D B-R-A-A-A!!11!11'. Pretty good doses, but I wouldn't suggest taking them was a good idea, in hindsight. The chicks came down okay and were just slightly humiliated later, though
goat-boy never was the same I heard. He didn't keep talking like a
goat forever, just severely impaired his reasoning skills. Moral of story: DON'T DO ACID IN HUNTINGTON BEACH WITH GIRLS FROM
TENNESSEE!! IT
WILL MAKE YOU PERMAFRIED!
