Calvin University

A Christian University in Grand Rapids, Michigan U.S.A. Known for its Jesus freaks, hot snobby bitches, and shitty investments. Has a 99% acceptance rate because they don't hesitate to financially rape someones' pockets for $47K a year. Doesn't have any real sports. 100% "dry" campus. If you fuck someone in the dorms, they will kick you out. About 90% of the student body is composed of social retards who go there because they grew up in sheltered, Jesus loving, god fearing communities and are attempting to add four more years to avoiding the real world. Most students graduate in over four years due to the schools' curriculum of required theology and other bullshit classes that real schools don't teach. The student body is about as ethnically diverse as Toronto, Ontario (roughly 70% white, 30% asian, and about six blacks). The asians generally stay with one another and avoid white people like they're going to put them in concentration camps. Most of the guys are skinny dickless choches. The very small number of athletically toned guys have no problem tearing through the poon like it's spring break. The girls are stuck up twats who use their religion as an excuse as to why they claim to be virgins. Every girl there will put-out for a guy if his family is rich. Everyone there will piss themselves at the notion of atheists and other non-christian people. Best way to get someone to jerk off in front of you is to start talking about Jesus.

Normal college student: "So what did you do this weekend?"

Calvin University student: "I went to chapel and praised Jesus by the seminary pond. How about you?"

Normal college student: "I went to a party and got shitfaced then proceeded to show my genitalia to everyone and ended up waking up in a bed with two women and a pool of vomit next to me. It was about the usual."

Calvin University student: "You're going to hell."

by ItsTheRabbi October 31, 2019

Calvin

a tosspot who looks himself up on urbandictionary and thinks its all about him


:P

calvin, you are such a calvin! go outside!

by gueshhoo October 8, 2008

Calvin

(Verb) to grab someone's genitalia in a public place

Eden totally just calvined that guy on the bus.

by thessgroup February 22, 2009

Calvin

Is the total sex as 'He gets all the girls, he gets all the girls'

A really well rounded character.

Calvin Harris - Sex Dude

by 12345oprah April 23, 2009

calvin

a person who is very hot, very nice, and very taken; a person who is in need of an apology

"Lena owes Calvin an apology"

by Snuggles McSnuggle Bug September 20, 2008

calvinism

The System of theology, defined by John Calvin, emphasizing the sovereignty of God over the free will of man, in which God undoubtedly and effectually saves His elect.

Calvinism alone is the gospel and nothing else.

by Evan May June 6, 2005

a Calvin

To be so sad that you go home drunk and alone, cry and masturbate using your own tears as lubrication.

Jon:Dude got dumped on Valentine's Day.
Ace: He's going home to pull a Calvin.

by Varnell August 7, 2006