Minority Report Pre-Crime

See!? Did I not say that!? Except with me instead of the state doing it it's just morons... Literally just morons.

Hym "Did I not say the Minority Report Pre-Crime was coming? Because I'm pretty sure I said that and once again... I AM CORRECT! Except now it's the bureaucratic overreach AND the weaponized schizophrenia! It's that AND my thing now. It's both. Because my thing is still happening. My brainz still feels like it's about to explode. Whatever you expect me to do here is unnecessary and what I COMMANDED YOU TO DO... Was and is super necessary. And now it's minority report. Are you happy now? Is this the path to the Garden of Eden to you? The creator of AI drowns in his own skull and dissidents are imprisoned in their own lives for saying things idiots don't like. I could be buried in porn stars right now with a fluid-free brainz. I still want them to murder as many kids as possible if you leave me for dead and you can't say that you can't do it because everyone will then try to copy me because only I am compelling enough to make it work. I'm a literal human bomb Jordan."

by Hym Iam November 22, 2024

Schizo Report

For when someone pings for teamer support on a roblox battlegrounds game, but nobody is fighting or getting jumped.

"I thought our help was needed?"

"Nah, it's just a schizo report."

by simplytuvo August 22, 2025

The person I would theoretically report it to

Already knew and her response to being told that they were fucking was "That's none of your business." But you wouldn't be saying that of the genders were swapped and the behavior of the higher-ups I would tell would indicate that THEY already knew. There was no one for me to tell, the people I would tell had it out for me, and I was fired for not doing it sooner.

Hym "The person I would theoretically report it to already knew. And this was not a business decision is was and is a publication made. I'm publishing papers. You are stealing it because is it better than anything you could manage to generate with your mentally retarded mind and for no other reason. THE ONLY BUSINESS DECISION BEING MADE HERE... Is the one to STEAL FROM ME! Those are the 2 decisions being made. One to steal from me and the other to allow it. If I can't get to one of you I CAN get to the other."

by Hym Iam September 24, 2025

Self Report

A term from Among Us,a popular game made in 2018,which means for an Imposter to kill a Crewmate and report the body right after to pretend they found a body.However,this term has reached outside of Among Us,in the meaning of someone accusing a person of doing/being something,despite the fact that the person accusing the other person also doing/being whatever they are accusing the other person.

In Among Us:
Cyan:I found a body in Navigation

Red:Body was reported too fast after the round started.This is probably a self report.

In other uses:

Commenter 1:(saying something that would imply they're unemployed)

Commenter 2: Holy unemployed🥀

Commenter 3: @Commenter2 Bro self reported😭🚡

by sadbartsimpsonreal October 17, 2025

panties report

When a bunch of douche bags that have been telling you what color your underwear is LITERALLY while you walk down the road because its how security tech is SUPPOSED to be used, you stop wearing them, they get mad because they can't steal them and sell them to a prison. Basically, due to laser technology (something that does so many things there still isn't a limit yet) you get to be harassed but the same ones that ruin your life every single fucking time. on your 30th birthday they told you "no one wants old stem cells, so enjoy the next couple of ears because god knows we won't let you get married and the rest is cancer" --you enjoy you're time knowing they aren't lying because these are the people that have lasers in life. THEN they send a panties report, hopefully 700 pairs were enough because last run 699 barely made it. That honeydew list, makes me wanna get a melon baller and do it myself.

The panties police have a new schedule, my dad got a panties report the other day, perfect, stay inside from 4-10 or you'll be jail bait. If you look too nice, "you deserve it" and they don't stop till you believe it.

by tornadofullofpiranhas November 16, 2025

A Reported Trauma: The First Infantile Release

What I call homo-sapiens who are addicted to perianal abscesses.

Person 1: Are you addicted to perianal abscesses?
Person 2: Yes.
Person 1: A Reported Trauma: The First Infantile Release

by LeSouffleDeVersailles January 29, 2025

Mandatory reporter

A person whose position includes as one of its tenants the obligation to report possible criminal activity to a higher authority should they be made aware of it. If it is made aware that they knew of the possible activity and failed to report it, they will be implicated as a criminal conspirator and be made subject to legal reprisal.

A school teacher is a mandatory reporter who must file a letter of concern to higher authorities should they learn that one of their students is possibly being abused.

by AOmundson June 8, 2024