Similar to the rumored five-fingered Kung-Fu pimp slap of death,
Canada's History is a sexual technique which can alternately lead to either a 36-hour
orgasm .... or death.
Instruments used to initiate the illicit '
Canada's History' include a harmonica, a Plastic Man action figure, 2 lbs. of Wendigo fur, a vat of maple syrup, a jar of Nutella, a live duck, 2 packets of duck sauce, the Stanley Cup (full-size replica is allowed), a moose (live or mounted), a kazoo, the complete works of Era Pound, a tazer gun, 4 oz. of tatto ink, a ball gag, and a roll of
Canadian quarters. For best results, individuals attempting
Canada's History should have endured either a colonoscopy or a pedicure just hours before attempting the procedure.
International treaties prohibit the actual depiction of the technique, although a loophole allows us to provide a list of individuals who may or may not have attempted (and possible even survived)
Canada's History:
Betty White
William Shatner
Grape Ape
Lex Luthor
Pres. William McKinley
D. B. Cooper
The black guy from Ghostbusters
Ronald McDonald
Naomi Wolf
Glen Beck
John Luvitz
Redd Foxx
and Rhea Perlman
