A walking contradiction with a Ram truck, a golf obsession, and the spelling skills of a broken Etch A Sketch. Bryson proudly drives a Ram over a Ford—not for performance, but because he’s a few brain cells short of a group project.
Known for popping out kids like it’s a competitive sport—some say he’s trying to build a football team, others say he just forgets what birth control is. Loves golf but thinks “par” is just short for “party,” and he’s definitely addicted to alcohol but claims he just “likes the taste of bad decisions.”
Gambles not to win, but for the thrill of losing, and laughs at things that aren’t funny like it’s a personality trait. Possibly unwell, definitely entertaining.
Known for popping out kids like it’s a competitive sport—some say he’s trying to build a football team, others say he just forgets what birth control is. Loves golf but thinks “par” is just short for “party,” and he’s definitely addicted to alcohol but claims he just “likes the taste of bad decisions.”
Gambles not to win, but for the thrill of losing, and laughs at things that aren’t funny like it’s a personality trait. Possibly unwell, definitely entertaining.
“Bryson just triple-bogeyed, cracked a beer at 9 AM, and laughed for five minutes at a street sign that said ‘Dickerson.’ I’m worried… but also not surprised.”
by Chrispeecream June 7, 2025
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That’s Bryson.
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