I need to be held

Term used to describe how a lot of us feel when confronted with the joys of daily life.

Time to go to work - I need to be held

I have a cold - I need to be held

My house fell over - I really need to be held.

I need to be held is also a very effective way of hurting someone (if you are that way inclined (Refer: Bogan or Succubus):
"I need to be held, but not by you"
Trust me, it doesnt feel good

by Luke Warm August 15, 2008

I need to pee

basically can I use the bathroom/ where is the bathroom

I need to pee

by Wiggly Mr.Dickls the 1st October 8, 2019

I need a calculator

An office phrase roughly translated to "I need a bailout or rescue." Something awful is happening to the person who has given you this message, and it's your responsibility to bail them out. Situations in which this phrase is appropriate:

- An office camper has left the original intended topic for some light-hearted small talk about his child you hate
- An office camper with horrid breath has pinned you
- You're in a meeting that's so boring you will have to snort coke off a stripper's chesticles to balance your life back in the right direction

The message generally arrives in the form of text or instant message. When the situation is dire, email may be used. The appropriate response is generally to come up with technical nonsense to ask this person then either call or visit to bail them out.

Office Camper: "Enough about linux, did you know my child is an honor's student? She's taking all AP classes in the Spring. God we're so proud of her ... "
Jim (Victim) text messages Vince (Savior) "I need a calculator" to avoid nosy eyes understanding this dire message.
Office Camper: "She even taught some of the other children in the class how to use it! Can you believe that? Even the teacher was impressed"
Savior: "Hey Jim! Listen I need some help with linux..."
Office Camper: "Oh well I can see you're busy"

by Fatty Tatterson September 10, 2009

I need you

When you can't live without someone and you wish they would feel the same way you do .

Her: I need you.
Him: I don't need you.

by Jessica is greeeeeat ! (: October 13, 2009

I Need A Rap

A phrase used by people that hate Chav Music. It means I need a shit. The main few phrases used to mean the same thing are I need a rap, I need a rave. I need a gangsta rap, I need an R&B, I need a clubland, I need a hip-hop, and I need a pop. They originate from the phrase I need a Chav Music.

Dad: Shall we go to ADSA then Flonkule to see Daniel the Spacker?

Flonkule: Yeah one sec, I need a rap.

by Ednatoast Jeeganflipperwick June 19, 2009

I need help

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I need help
L + ratio + no one asked
I am being serious

by 💯⚠⚠⚠❎❎3️⃣🆗5️⃣🔵 March 17, 2022

I Need A Lighthouse

To talk about commiting suicide in a joking/figurative manner

Another way of saying kill myself aka kms or fuck my life aka fml

Person 1: "You seem really depressed today, fam."

Person 2: "Yeah, I think I need a lighthouse."

by Kari Chiriri December 11, 2016