i had sex with an omlette in the middle of a mall while making eye contact with a security guard before being escorted out

you screwed up bigtime. fr on god.

person 1: i had sex with an omlette in the middle of a mall while making eye contact with a security guard before being escorted out
person 2: you fucking what??? you goin to jail cuhhhhhhhhh

by some random ahh mothafucka idk June 6, 2022

splash guard

A roll of fat on a female's stomach that prevents a male's sperm from splashing her in the face when he removes his penis from her vagina just prior to ejaculation.

That bitch is lucky she had a splash guard because if she didn't my load would've caused her to drown.

by RaiderJunky October 16, 2005

Spoon Guard

A guard to make sure you don't get your mouth deformed.

You need to use the spoooooon guuuaaaaard!

by From rathergood.com October 27, 2003

dancing security guard

A freaking dank security guard that schools mascot

Loook at this DOOOOOODE Dancing security guard

by Memekid666 May 17, 2017

shart guard

Any piece of material used to protect someone from crapping themselves.

Garrett's farts were so wet that we had to give him a shart guard to keep him from shitting his pants.

by HBL December 9, 2008

sneeze guard

Glass or plastic panels in buffet restaurants that prevent nasal and oral excretions from being deposited in the food. The sneeze guard prevents the spread of disease.

The food at the dinner party was delicious, but there were no sneeze guards.

I noticed a long strand of hair dangling down from under the sneeze guard. Obviously, a short person ducked under it to reach for the food.

by yes juanito yes December 12, 2014

set the fox to guard the henhouse

Putting somebody in charge of a job, when they have a conflict of interest. Often used to refer to industry "self-regulation" or to putting an industry insider on the board that regulates that industry, e.g., appointing an executive of Comcast as chairman of the FCC.

Can also refer to a similar problem in private industry, e.g., putting the manager of a failed project in charge of the investigation into why the project failed.

Mike Taylor has been appointed to head the Food Safety Working Group at the FDA. The President has set the fox to guard the henhouse.

by s%mebody September 23, 2011