publix

a corrupt hellhole, that seeks to monopolize the grocery industry with higher than average prices, tyrannical managers, spoiling their customers so badly they bitch if they have to bag a single thing and working poor employees to death with outrageous standards, that make them look like scum if they aren't kissing the very ground on which the customer walks and getting plastic surgery to permanently transfix they're faces into a creepy smile that says "KILL ME!!!". but they're not completely evil, they give their slaves a quarter raise every half a year of back breaking labor if they've sold enough of their soul, they give them humiliatingly gay uniforms that have caused a rise in suicides since 1935 and let them go outside (whether it be pouring rain, hot as hell or colder than the abominable snowman's balls) to help asshole customers put their shit in their cars, which they have magically forgotten the location of, so that they can watch the employee like a hawk, to make sure that they don't try to steal anything, and drive off without so much as any consideration to giving that poor soul in the rearview mirror a single cent for they're help. My single prayer each and every night is that I can escape this shithole I foolishly put myself into 4 years ago, if you have a subservient attitude, lack of all emotions except for happiness and no need for a non-existent discount on their overpriced products then this place is your ideal job, you poor bastard.

satan: "well foolish mortal for your sins I've thought of the most evil and cruel punishment possible."

sinner: "your going to make me burn in a lake of fire, while having a pitchfork shoved up my ass for all eternity?"

satan: "no, your going to work at publix for the next 24 hours, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"

sinner: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, PLEASE CHOP MY BALLS OFF AND FEED IT TO DOGS, HAVE A GIANT RAPE ME FOR 7 YEARS, BUT NOT THAT!!!!!!!"

satan: "oh stop whining, here's your free stock"

sinner: "oh, well that sounds good"

satan: "it's completely worthless"

sinner: "NOOOO!!!"

satan: "also you get benefits"

sinner: "well..."

satan: "you have to work for 5 years to get anything"

sinner: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

satan: "well have a good day at work, OH! and here's your uniform"

sinner: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by torturedsoul#1 August 9, 2010

publix

where you shop when Food Lion or Winn Dixie is too poor looking for you

Oh no Winn Dixie is much to ghetto, lets go to Publix.

by herndonium September 15, 2020

publix

A grocery store that claims shopping there is a pleasure. It might be, if they weren't so expensive!

Shop at publix... or you might be sorry!

by ilovelisa December 10, 2008

Publix bitch

Any female who holds a management position at publix, indicating that the job inevitably turns any woman into a bitch.

Damn, Paula is such a Publix bitch that she makes me take the trash out every time I work. I wish that bitch would get fired.

by Fuckpublix February 23, 2011

publix bitch

a 16 year old kid forced to run errands

Rachael can't drive anywhere fun. She's just her mom's publix bitch.

by Mike February 8, 2004

Tallahassee publix

When you shit yourself looking urgently for a bathroom in a grocery store.

Hey Tom, make sure you use the restroom before you go to the store, we don't want another Tallahassee Publix incident!

by Rickymixx February 14, 2022

Frat Publix

The Publix on 34th and uni, NOT the Publix on 13th next to the Standard. Freshmen think it’s the latter. They are wrong. It’s called Frat Publix because of its convenient access to frat row.

Goina Frat Publix for bogo mixer.

by okboomers December 14, 2019