Russia says Chechnya can’t leave. Chechnya says, “Watch us”
Russia invades. This is the ‘official’ kick-off.
Russia expects it to be like crushing a beer can. It is not.
Chechen fighters, who know every alley and mountain path, make the Russian army look like blind, drunk bears.
Grozny, a city, gets turned into a moonscape by Russian bombs. (Everybody remembers the city but forgets it was full of people who couldn’t leave.)
Russia loses thousands of conscripts—poor, scared kids from the provinces. (Everybody in Moscow tries to forget this.)
Tanks roll into city streets and are turned into scrap metal by guerrillas with rockets from upstairs windows.
There are atrocities on both sides. (Everybody only remembers the ones committed by the other side.)
Boris Yeltsin, facing an election, needs to look tough. The war is his tough-guy photo op. It is not going well.
Russian mothers start showing up at the front to drag their sons home. The army hates this.
After two years of humiliation, Russia signs a peace deal in 1996. It’s basically a surrender.
Chechnya gets de facto independence. Russia acts like this was the plan all along.
The Russian army goes home, broke and broken. They try to forget the whole thing.
Chechnya is ruined. No one wins.
Five years later, Russia decides round one was just a practice run...
Russia invades. This is the ‘official’ kick-off.
Russia expects it to be like crushing a beer can. It is not.
Chechen fighters, who know every alley and mountain path, make the Russian army look like blind, drunk bears.
Grozny, a city, gets turned into a moonscape by Russian bombs. (Everybody remembers the city but forgets it was full of people who couldn’t leave.)
Russia loses thousands of conscripts—poor, scared kids from the provinces. (Everybody in Moscow tries to forget this.)
Tanks roll into city streets and are turned into scrap metal by guerrillas with rockets from upstairs windows.
There are atrocities on both sides. (Everybody only remembers the ones committed by the other side.)
Boris Yeltsin, facing an election, needs to look tough. The war is his tough-guy photo op. It is not going well.
Russian mothers start showing up at the front to drag their sons home. The army hates this.
After two years of humiliation, Russia signs a peace deal in 1996. It’s basically a surrender.
Chechnya gets de facto independence. Russia acts like this was the plan all along.
The Russian army goes home, broke and broken. They try to forget the whole thing.
Chechnya is ruined. No one wins.
Five years later, Russia decides round one was just a practice run...
"Some of the Russian conscripts in the First Chechen War in those documentaries have, like, Siberian or Uzbek accents... how does that work?"
by Czeszka January 18, 2026
Get the The First Chechen War mug.Crying while masturbating.
by Greasus August 5, 2010
Get the Cheching mug.Related Words
A region of southwest Russia in the northern Caucasus bordering on Georgia. Chechnya declared its independence from the USSR in 1991. Russian troops invaded in late 1994, which led to a war that lasted until August 1996 when the Chechens defeated the Russians. The conflict resumed in 1999 and six years later is still grinding on. It is estimated that between 75,000 to 100,000 Chechens died in both wars. The estimates for the Russian losses are between 25,000 to 40,000 soliders, 60,000 ethnic Russian who lived in Grozny at the start of the war are also believed to have died from the Russian armys bombardment of the Chechen capital Grozny.
During the bombardment of Grozny it is estimated that 4,000 bombs fell on Grozny every hour, this compared to the 3,500 bombs which fell on Sarejevo everyday during the Balkan wars of the 1990's.
During the bombardment of Grozny it is estimated that 4,000 bombs fell on Grozny every hour, this compared to the 3,500 bombs which fell on Sarejevo everyday during the Balkan wars of the 1990's.
by Allon Zinman September 26, 2005
Get the chechnya mug.First, Chechens aren't even Chechen (they are Nohchi, or sons of Noah); they speak a unique language- Nohchi Mott; they are Muslim; they are more entrepreneurial than Donald Trump and tougher than a hung over hockey team. More importantly they have kept their national identity intact. Chechen loyalties are to one of the more than 100 teips, or clans, that constitute Chechen society, not to the fat-bottomed thieves in the Kremlin. Think of teips as similar to the city states of Athens. Warring in peacetime, peaceful in war. Left to their own devices and sitting on the nexus of the east and west, the Chechens thought and acted just like the lone wolf that has become their national symbol.
by Abu Bakar June 19, 2010
Get the Chechens mug.by rjam69 August 10, 2010
Get the Chichen mug.Suck Chephen can suck a dick!
by Suckmorechephen May 17, 2019
Get the Suck Chephen mug.by PandaShade June 14, 2011
Get the CheCheWaa mug.