black jesus painting

A really shitty painting of a black Jesus found mostly in poor black people's homes. Usually painted by someone with questionable artistic talent.
You know that cat Dirty Red who I buy that kush from? He has a Black Jesus painting promintely displayed in his filthy living room, that shit creeps me out yo.
by suicide assistant March 07, 2007
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Jesus spammer

Someone who spams blogs and forums to promote Mel Gibson's ludicrous film about Jesus shot in the style of Gladiator.
"hi so-and-so, i like such-and-such too... i am waitin to buy another cd, can't wait
have you heard about The Christ? it's a movie about the last hours of Jesus' life before the Crucifixion - i've heard a lot of good things about it, and i agree after seeing the trailers...
i'll include a few links below. check these out, they moved me. i mean, if a TRAILER can make you cry, it's got to be some movie! "
by Thermaland February 17, 2004
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Jesus Spanking

when you do something that you know is wrong and God comes back to get you for it later.
1. Obama is a crappy president and makes bad choices....so Jesus spanked him when he got hit in the face during a game of basketball.

2. A child kicks another kid and then runs away. while they are running away, they trip and smack their head on a wall. That my friends...is a Jesus spanking.
by michelle1991 November 26, 2010
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Jesus monster cock

Term used to describe my unnaturally large penis. Typically given to a person named Matt. Names also referring to Jesus Monster Cock are White Python and Don Knotts. J.M.C is the accepted abbreviation for Jesus Monster Cock
M: Hey Chan, did you hear Brit screaming last night?

C:*confused* Maybe

M: Well, she was riding my Jesus Monster Cock like a pogo stick! I was giving some major Don Knotts.
by Duck Butter McGee November 15, 2012
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I'm so Jesus

Being incredibly talented at something or to perform an extraordinary task.
Guy #1: Omg! You saw that head-shot 360 no-scope from across the map?! I'm so Jesus at this game!

Guy #2: Yup, that was definitely Jesus!
by Bl4k April 11, 2011
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Jesus H. Christ

A satirical phrase of surprise or angst used instead of Jesus Christ.
Person 1: Jesus H. Christ!

Person 2: ...what does the H stand for?

Person 1: Hussein!
by floridaBoy February 28, 2009
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Beat your Jesus

a common masturbation term used in the christian world when priests get mad at the altar servers for being bad little boys.fluff your garfield
Let me lick your leg!!! DAMNIT!! GO BEAT YOUR JESUS!!! *wispers to self* fucking incoherent boys
by 315 & T-Dog! March 27, 2003
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