When it's wider around than it is long. As this prevents actual penetration from happening it forces the owner to pound around in the general vicinity of his target, hence the name mallet dick.
by #Splashback March 19, 2015
Get the Mallet Dickmug. The bizarre act seen in many porn films whereby a distinguished gentleman or gracious lady with strap-on, grips the base of the phallus and lightly taps it upon the meaty buttock-flesh of a partner presenting themselves by resting on the knees and hands (or elbows (...or face)). The most likely explanation for this phenomenon was offered by Professor Archibald Knobblyknackers of Christ College, Oxford, who theorised that the action was originally designed to test the hollowness of the awaiting bung-hole after the disastrous attempt by a disoriented Ron Jeremy to sodomise a helpless-yet-impenetrable Venus De Milo prop, which resulted in an imploded bellend and the brief resurrection of Michelangelo Batio for vengeance, who was given licence to murder twelve pigeons after a hazardous filing error and accidental double-lifing on account of the fact he wasn’t dead in the first place. Thus, dick tamping was subsequently invented as a safety precaution to ensure adequate space for a ram-passage, or to check for cockroaches or something.
‘Always precede any acts of quadrapedal intercourse with thorough dick tamping. If you are not sure whether it is safe to proceed, do not risk entry under any circumstances and contact your appointed fire official, where the offending buttocks will be taken away to be incinerated’ – the Porn Safety Handbook
by 535 October 9, 2012
Get the Dick Tampingmug. Yo Spink! You gonna smash that medieval peasant ho broad after this Norwegian March or you got that Ruck Dick?
by ThickWerm March 14, 2022
Get the Ruck Dickmug. Friend: "What happened last night man, girl told me you went limp?"
You: "Well I was pretty drunk and it happened so fast I didn't go to the bathroom when we got to my place."
Friend: "Uh oh"
You: "Yeah... I had pisskey dick real bad."
You: "Well I was pretty drunk and it happened so fast I didn't go to the bathroom when we got to my place."
Friend: "Uh oh"
You: "Yeah... I had pisskey dick real bad."
by ekcrisp July 13, 2012
Get the pisskey dickmug. by Gladdymum September 27, 2018
Get the Hair Dickmug. Erectile dysfunction. A flaccid dick that can't grow into a boner no matter how much stimulation is put onto the useless thing.
by malesarethedumbestwhores4ever January 18, 2017
Get the handicap dickmug. by Tina Ugloo January 11, 2008
Get the dick shellmug.