10 definitions by 535
Euphemism for ejaculation.
by 535 February 21, 2011
The specific Birmingham Saddleshank wherein the target of a window is reduced to the target of an awaiting anus in a window.
Steve: Hold on, Dave, I’ve just gotta wind the window down, lean my arse out of it and take a dump, I don’t think we’ll be off the Birmingham ringroad before I have to open the brown blast-doors.
Dave: Go for it.
Steve: Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.
Dave: Oh... my... cuntfucking... God...
...
Screech of a Mighty Hawk: SOUTHAMPTON SIDESADDLE
Dave: Go for it.
Steve: Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.
Dave: Oh... my... cuntfucking... God...
...
Screech of a Mighty Hawk: SOUTHAMPTON SIDESADDLE
by 535 October 9, 2012
The insanely unrealistic twisting two homosexual men would have to do to in order that they would each be simultaneously penetrating the other. In the ass.
No mouthsies!
No mouthsies!
‘Darth Vader looked at the drop of sweat rolling down Möbius’s back, over the taint and on to the top of his face, which finally fell sensuously off his nose and into his mouth. From the single twist of Möbius’s sinewy back and the way he was giving himself head, Darth knew he was in for a treat of hyperspatial Brighton Yoga.’ – Probably some fanfiction somewhere.
by 535 January 28, 2012
The bizarre act seen in many porn films whereby a distinguished gentleman or gracious lady with strap-on, grips the base of the phallus and lightly taps it upon the meaty buttock-flesh of a partner presenting themselves by resting on the knees and hands (or elbows (...or face)). The most likely explanation for this phenomenon was offered by Professor Archibald Knobblyknackers of Christ College, Oxford, who theorised that the action was originally designed to test the hollowness of the awaiting bung-hole after the disastrous attempt by a disoriented Ron Jeremy to sodomise a helpless-yet-impenetrable Venus De Milo prop, which resulted in an imploded bellend and the brief resurrection of Michelangelo Batio for vengeance, who was given licence to murder twelve pigeons after a hazardous filing error and accidental double-lifing on account of the fact he wasn’t dead in the first place. Thus, dick tamping was subsequently invented as a safety precaution to ensure adequate space for a ram-passage, or to check for cockroaches or something.
‘Always precede any acts of quadrapedal intercourse with thorough dick tamping. If you are not sure whether it is safe to proceed, do not risk entry under any circumstances and contact your appointed fire official, where the offending buttocks will be taken away to be incinerated’ – the Porn Safety Handbook
by 535 October 9, 2012
Christopher Lee, wearing a skirt, stoically allowed himself a defiant Ballroom Dance in the face of oncoming traffic.
by 535 October 9, 2012
The endeavour to lean out of one’s car window whilst driving on a road with at least two lanes and with willy unsheathed to insert said willy into the open window of other cars travelling in the same direction (this latter part is important lest one expects to receive a brutal dicklashing).
‘Deftly, Turpin lowered himself to Black Bess’s side, her muscles writhing powerfully under his soles as she galloped as a shadow in the fog, drawing ever closer to the magistrate’s coach. With one hand still clinging to his steed, he lowered his britches in preparation for the impending Birmingham Saddleshank.
The magistrate could hear the crescendo of galloping behind him rising with his nervous heartbeat, until thrust through his window was the most foul of phalluses accompanied by the scream of his coachman and the growl of Hell’s own brimstone: “Magistrate, your money or your wig all pissed on.”’ – Black Bess; or, The Knight of the Road by William Harrison Ainsworth
The magistrate could hear the crescendo of galloping behind him rising with his nervous heartbeat, until thrust through his window was the most foul of phalluses accompanied by the scream of his coachman and the growl of Hell’s own brimstone: “Magistrate, your money or your wig all pissed on.”’ – Black Bess; or, The Knight of the Road by William Harrison Ainsworth
by 535 October 9, 2012
An act wherein a distinguished gentleman inserts a solitary ball into any anus available to him so that upon removable, the ball looks like it is covered in toffee. This is improved vastly by the owner of the anus reciprocal should he or she eat only toffee for a week.
Supped he verily upon that most marvellous of treats, the Somerset Toffee Apple, whilst looking over his blossoming orchard that was being gently fingered by the divine rays of a retiring Helios. - Dante
by 535 September 25, 2011