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50 shades of jesus

when jesus has gone wrong and he grows 50 penis
bob: according to all known laws of aviation,there is no way that a bee should be able to fly, its wings are too small to lift its fat body off the ground, but a bee does not care what a human thinks and flys anyway.
tom: holy shit i think i wan to fap to 50 shades of jesus
mugGet the 50 shades of jesusmug.

jesus effing christ

Jesus Effing Christ-
Unlike the expletive, "JesusFuckingChrist", "JesusEffingChrist" is a PG-13 or a PG-rated version. Rules follow below

{Article 1, REV 4} Any teen through adult is permitted to utter this phrase safety without guidance from an adult or fear of being damned to hell for eternity.

{Article 2.} Any pre-teen absolutely needs to gain permission and guidance from a parent or guardian. (Eternal Hellfire is not reserved exclusively for adults. God will burn babies forever if rules are not followed) See Samaria vs. God. Bible verse HOSEA 13:16 KJV.
by GodSaidThis February 26, 2023
mugGet the jesus effing christmug.

Jackoff with Jesus January

Jackoff with Jesus during January at anytime
“Hey man it’s Jackoff with Jesus January you know
by Brando🥶 November 5, 2019
mugGet the Jackoff with Jesus Januarymug.

Jesus Girl Scout

A Girl Scout that try's to sell cookies... and try’s to sell you a religion because surprise they are also a Jehovah’s witness
Jesus Girl Scout:“I would like to sell you cookies... and a spot in heaven!”

Person: “Go away you stupid Jesus Girl Scout”
by Cancer dog March 7, 2020
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pray to Jesus shits

Those really urgent bathroom trips where your stomach is cramping the whole time and it won’t stop coming out, so you literally pray to Jesus
Bruh, I just had one of those pray to Jesus shits
by YaboyNick2019 July 5, 2019
mugGet the pray to Jesus shitsmug.

Jizzed up Jesus

An insult directed towards long haired males who are acting rowdy, obnoxious and like to jizz every where. Similar to a long haired square except more spherical.
He catapults off of the couch with tremendous force projecting jizz onto the walls which take the shape of white clouds. While jizzing mid air, he is high above all of his peoples and henceforth becomes Jizzed up Jesus.

Blaise just jumped off the couch and jizzed everywhere, what a Jizzed up Jesus.
by dan_gleewang January 1, 2021
mugGet the Jizzed up Jesusmug.

jesus suffering fuck

The most awesomely hardcore blasphemous thing you can say. Try to reserve this amazing phrase to times which require a little extra. Like when the earth explodes, or you wake up to find a 50ft high dildo standing over your girlfriend’s corpse quietly singing god save the queen.
Boss: You're fired. Oh and I fucked your wife and she died.
Miguel: Eh.
Boss: Wtf.
Miguel: My job and wife were boring me. Time to purge myself and move on.
Miguel (walking out yells over shoulder): Hey! By the way, that wasnt my wife. I put your wife in disguise.
Boss: JESUS SUFFERING FUCK!
by Grant Hayes May 6, 2005
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