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Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance

"You can stroll a store's aisles till Doomsday and never spot da item you want, but then, just as soon as you interrupt a staffperson to ask for help in locating said desirable, THAT'S when you will notice your sought-after item right off!"
While stocking up on food at a Super Walmart, I was looking for larger packages of Armour Vienna sausage so that I could save a few cents per can, but although I had thoroughly searched the surrounding areas on the shelves, I still hadn't found anything bigger than the small six-packs, so I finally asked a nearby employee if there were any of the larger packages in stock, possibly in the back room. Well, just as we were both walking back to the area of the aisle where I'd been looking, THAT'S when I finally spied the 12-packs that were sitting on the very top shelf! Guess that was a classic case of Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance... ah, well, again, the 12-packs were indeed sitting very high up, so at least that was a plausible excuse for my not having seen them before, especially since the store usually doesn't even expect its customers to notice stuff that's placed 'way up there, anyway; that "lofty" location is merely where they store extra merchandise for replenishing the lower-down shelves when the stock there starts to run low.
by QuacksO May 14, 2019
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OFFICER ASSIST

The act of inserting or extracting something in or out of the colon with self or other help.
i needed to make a deposit for the toilet bank, so a little finger gave me an officer assist with my prison wallet!
by robetitcussin February 23, 2019
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aim assist

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aim assist is tene daddy skrt boiswdwd
by LOLITSALEEX September 24, 2017
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assist job

The Assist Job, known as an "assist" or an "AJ"; is conciliatory gesture performed by placing ones hand, or a finger at a minimum, on the hand, wrist, or forearm of another individual who is actively masturbating. It is performed by someone who feels they may owe a sexual favor to someone after receiving an expensive dinner or gift.
She definitely was not interested in him, but she gave him an Assist Job because she felt guilty about the theater tickets he bought.
by Mark and Suz March 20, 2017
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hole assist

When your dick can't handle anymore asshole so you gotta tag your friend in for help to finish the job.
This dude wants to keep fucking but I have a limp dick. Can I get a hole assist?
by CorgiFarts June 4, 2017
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Alabama Assistance

Alabama Assistance ; When your cousin / brother / sister helps you take and send nudes.
" My sister helped me take a nude to send to my boyfriend later. "
" So you got that Alabama Assistance from your sister ? "
by Lessee~Chan April 10, 2020
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Assistant Simp

When you wingman a Simp yet you are not a simp yourself.
"Today I helped Elliot get this girl he was after."

"You mean that simp? So you're basically his Assistant Simp?"
by Sh0rtkakke March 25, 2020
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