offing himself

Another way to say something is going to commit suicide/kill themselves.

Fred: 'Did you hear Bob is offing himself tonight?'
Peter: 'Yeah, dude. Sad.'

by Jay Jay <33 October 20, 2008

Office Ninja

A term given to middle managers who are able to suddenly appear behind employees who are slacking. They make no sound and are undetectable until it is too late and they have seen you are on Facebook.

Employee1: Did you see Lost last night?

Employee2: Shh, keep that down. The new manager is an office ninja.

Employee1: Haha. He's in a meeting til noon, you're paranoi--

Manager: What are you two doing?

Employee1: Oh crap, where did you come from?

Manager: Back to work, gentlemen.

Employee1: Umm, okay. But that's kind of rude to sneak up on -- hey, where'd he go?

by eleventy May 18, 2009

Official Midgets

The midgets (duh) who are employed soley to help lazy people masturbate. They are sometimes used by creepy people who aren't lazy, just creepy, as in the song by Mindless Self Indulgence called I Hate Jimmy Page.

Joe: "I'll show ya how Official Midgets jack me off....."
Dave: "Dude, what the fuck are you singing???"
Joe: "Huh? Oh, MSI's song."
Dave: "...if you sing that again, I'm going to brain you."

by CrazyAxer September 27, 2009

officedog

The most irritating person to ever grace the internet. A chronic whiner and complainer who never stops talking.

Do you know officedog? She just won't shut up.

by housecatt March 21, 2010

Office Space

when a piece of technology keeps breaking down and it's old and you want to take it outback and smash it to pieces. For those who don't know, Office Space is a movie from 1999.

I want to take this old TV and go Office Space on it!

by ASAPGirl April 14, 2011

Office Scraps

Consists of lunch leftovers, unclaimed tupperware contents, birthday cake shavings, cupcakes, old donuts, glass jars filled with candy found in office buildings everywhere.

The saavy Office Scrapper can usually be fed throughout the course of the day in minimalistic fashion for free by grazing on these morsels of abandon. Albiet this may come with a strong chance of malnutrition.

Quality of Office Scraps rises exponentially depending on the positive cash flow or income of the company or organization. Civil service offices will provide the least quality and nutrition compared to a newly I.P.O'd company where you might even be able to obtain leftovers from a veggie platter on occasion.

Rita: "I'm stuffed..."

Molly: "Did you go off site for lunch? Somewhere nice?"

Rita: "Nope, I waited for everyone to leave Al's birthday party then I managed a piece of chocolate cake, four sugar snap peas, a half cup of Sprite and a cherry tomato."

Molly: "Ahh... Office Scraps."

by Grizzly September 1, 2009

Office Spouse

A person at the office that one shares all the trials and tribulations of the job and outside personal life with--also rumors, gossip, etc.-- on an emotional level. The first one someone runs to when something big happens in thier personal life or at the firm. An emotional relationship, but not a physical, sexual one. Relationship is confined to the workplace--if it goes beyond that, it is more than an office spouse.

It must have been something big, because after the meeting she went straight to Malcom, her office spouse.

by Dr. Foo March 23, 2010