A humanoid drone with no intentions in life other than to go to prison, steal things from old women, and beat 4 year olds. In this episode of "Exploring Vermin", we dissect the Chav's existance.
1: Morals
A Chav is motivated not by its own brain(whether or not it has one is unknown) but rather the actions of its pack(see 2), with some of its more aggresive actions fuelled by the beatings it was given whenever it made a single noise for the first 5 years of its life. It generally aims to:
-piss off every living thing around it
-make itself look like a complete arse
-chug enough monster and red bull to make an ant be able to cross the world twice in around half an hour
2: Interactions of its kind
Chavs hunt in a small pack of 5-6 males with one or two chavettes, usually for extra dickhead motivation. The group of arseholes will then try to look hard in front of the female(s). The Chav will attack anything nearby, including small children, brick walls and postboxes, usually ending in an ASBO.
3: Sustenance
Chavs will consume anything as long as it is not healthy in any way. Chavettes notably treat vegetables as poison.
4: Friends
-none found-
5: Enemies
-cannot display, number exceeds 99999999.
6: Reproduction
Chavs and chavettes will reproduce once every few weeks, ers, a scientifically proven fact.
7: Intelligence
Ha, that's a good joke.
8: Conclusion
Both the chav and chavette need to become extinct for humanity to remain profitable.
1: Morals
A Chav is motivated not by its own brain(whether or not it has one is unknown) but rather the actions of its pack(see 2), with some of its more aggresive actions fuelled by the beatings it was given whenever it made a single noise for the first 5 years of its life. It generally aims to:
-piss off every living thing around it
-make itself look like a complete arse
-chug enough monster and red bull to make an ant be able to cross the world twice in around half an hour
2: Interactions of its kind
Chavs hunt in a small pack of 5-6 males with one or two chavettes, usually for extra dickhead motivation. The group of arseholes will then try to look hard in front of the female(s). The Chav will attack anything nearby, including small children, brick walls and postboxes, usually ending in an ASBO.
3: Sustenance
Chavs will consume anything as long as it is not healthy in any way. Chavettes notably treat vegetables as poison.
4: Friends
-none found-
5: Enemies
-cannot display, number exceeds 99999999.
6: Reproduction
Chavs and chavettes will reproduce once every few weeks, ers, a scientifically proven fact.
7: Intelligence
Ha, that's a good joke.
8: Conclusion
Both the chav and chavette need to become extinct for humanity to remain profitable.
Louis: yo blad what u bin sayin??
Kev: nothin mate juss bin wiv chantelle
Gazza: aaay fams wot ya doin
Louis: blud, wot u doin yeh?
Gazza: startin fam? STARTIN?
Louis: an whaat blud? i bang you mum
*Gazza walks off, muttering "u succh a chav blud"*
Kev: nothin mate juss bin wiv chantelle
Gazza: aaay fams wot ya doin
Louis: blud, wot u doin yeh?
Gazza: startin fam? STARTIN?
Louis: an whaat blud? i bang you mum
*Gazza walks off, muttering "u succh a chav blud"*
by David Attenbourough September 1, 2012
Get the chavmug. chav = Council housed and violent
appeared on commercial road, Bulwell circa 1988 and spread like a virus.
appeared on commercial road, Bulwell circa 1988 and spread like a virus.
by brizogg July 4, 2011
Get the chavmug. INTRODUCTION
One of the lowest forms of life, chavs can most commonly be found loitering around street corners late at night or in McDonald's. Teenage chavs are generally more violent than adult chavs, as teenage chavs are not only stupid and violent, but also hormonal. Unfortunately, PETA and the RSPCA outlaw killing chavs as vermin under the animal protection act of 1975. Chavs populate roughly an overwhelming 40% of the population of the UK.
BEHAVIOUR
Although there are some slight variations, chavs are inherently violent and stupid. Chav attacks are common, especially in the UK and little or no provocation is needed to trigger a chav attack. Although chavs are often in poor physical shape due to poor diet, overuse of alcohol, smoking/drug use and lack of exercise, they can swarm an innocent member of the public within minutes and "kick the shit owt ov him" whilst he is down. Chavs value acting "hard" and appearing intimidating over intelligence and kindness.
ADVICE
Chavs can be very dangerous in numbers, so it is advisable to know how to deal with one. Some may say "to beat the chav you must become the chav". This is true to an extent. If in danger of being attacked by chavs, alter your behavior slightly to appear a little more like them until you get an opportunity to leave. This can be done simply with the occasional use of the word "mate" and avoiding any long words which may confuse or anger the chavs.
One of the lowest forms of life, chavs can most commonly be found loitering around street corners late at night or in McDonald's. Teenage chavs are generally more violent than adult chavs, as teenage chavs are not only stupid and violent, but also hormonal. Unfortunately, PETA and the RSPCA outlaw killing chavs as vermin under the animal protection act of 1975. Chavs populate roughly an overwhelming 40% of the population of the UK.
BEHAVIOUR
Although there are some slight variations, chavs are inherently violent and stupid. Chav attacks are common, especially in the UK and little or no provocation is needed to trigger a chav attack. Although chavs are often in poor physical shape due to poor diet, overuse of alcohol, smoking/drug use and lack of exercise, they can swarm an innocent member of the public within minutes and "kick the shit owt ov him" whilst he is down. Chavs value acting "hard" and appearing intimidating over intelligence and kindness.
ADVICE
Chavs can be very dangerous in numbers, so it is advisable to know how to deal with one. Some may say "to beat the chav you must become the chav". This is true to an extent. If in danger of being attacked by chavs, alter your behavior slightly to appear a little more like them until you get an opportunity to leave. This can be done simply with the occasional use of the word "mate" and avoiding any long words which may confuse or anger the chavs.
by TheEpicWalrusMan March 24, 2013
Get the Chavmug. usually some fucking stinky 13 - 17 year olds that sit in alley ways and smoke dat weed innit. they also are known for drinking 35p energy drinks and they are set with a specific uniform that includes: an addidas tracksuit and jacket, nike cap and a pouch. in this pouch they store their essentials which are, quidz, weed and most importantly a rusty piece of shit they found in their stanky da's shed called a shank
by anonymous December 15, 2019
Get the chavmug. by ivegotblistasonmefingas January 7, 2011
Get the Chavmug. A CHAV is a person who wears cheap sports wear ALL the time, a mangey cap on their head, hood up and dirty trainers with ear piercings and studs an often spitting, drinking and swearing. Very unstylish in the fashion world but much of the popluation is turning into the stereotypical 'CHAV'.
"Hey Ben look over there its a gang of CHAV s. We should cross over so we don't have to walk past them!"
"No don't worry Bernard, they try and look hard but really they are just loser 10 - 21 year olds. They have no strength but they may have weapons, just don't look them in the eye and run if they talk to you!"
"No don't worry Bernard, they try and look hard but really they are just loser 10 - 21 year olds. They have no strength but they may have weapons, just don't look them in the eye and run if they talk to you!"
by odjensoa October 24, 2008
Get the CHAV mug. Ages can range from a minimum of 12 reaching the maximum of 30 and possibly above.Locations can range from parks to council houses to town flats.Rarely seen on there own,usually in packs as you will find they are quite useless on their own.They are unable to comply with the law and are pronouned for their bad attitudes in society.Very hard to reason with even worse to understand.Incapable of thinking for themselves,hense their codes of dress,they have to look like clones of each other.They enjoy activities such as creating spawn to carry on their cult.They are extreamly vile-mouthed that always have something petty to say also they are very argumentative.They interrigate other people and make a society look deprived.
Chav 1-"u owt 2nyt brav"
Chav 2-"yeh mayte nt got mch cash dole cme in layt"
Chav 1-"sme blad bad dat init"
Chav 2-"yh blad"
Chav 2-"yeh mayte nt got mch cash dole cme in layt"
Chav 1-"sme blad bad dat init"
Chav 2-"yh blad"
by Kirrky April 1, 2009
Get the Chavmug.