fat wank

the urge to release thy juice from the beast

john: how was your day
me: not good i need a fat wank

by hbdsuhfbu May 6, 2021

Deliveroo and wank

The apotheosis of living for the modern middle aged family man. Netflix and chill, for husbands who have long ago abandoned both erotic frisson and euphemism.

"The wife's away, so I'm going to treat myself to a Deliveroo and wank."

"You mean..."

"Yes, a lukewarm curry followed by furious self abuse."

by bighairyotter August 10, 2021

Wank muppet

The sock you use to cover your cock which catches your cum when masturbating.

He is such a wank muppet!

by Christophlambpie August 15, 2023

Pokey chokey bum wank

To combine 2 sexual acts for one dose of heightened pleasure a pokey bum wank combined with self asphyxiation by the use of vigorously inserting ones finger in an out of one's own anus whilst furiously pleasuring ones own man truncheon with the other hand and at roughly a minute before the point of unbridled ecstasy lean forward on the pre attached belt (hung from the light fitting before the start of the act) choking one's self out and at the point of the act of cumming releasing the pressure on the belt giving you the pleasure of a good pokey and a good bit of asphyxiation admittedly it is a lot of effort but after a few goes it gets easier to set up ideally a spare bedroom is available so you can just leave the equipment ready and waiting not for the feint of hearted and not recommended to do without letting someone know what you have planned (maybe phone up one of your parents and ask if they could stay on the line to make sure release was in good time if a bit late they can phone the relevant emergency service)

I really enjoy a good pokey chokey bum wank but I love a bit of asphyxiation sex too if only there was a way I could enjoy both at the same time (idea form's) just maybe there is a way it might take some time and effort but just think of the pleasure maybe just maybe it might be worth a bit of experimentation to see what is the worst that can happen
(any attempt to do this is at one's own risk and no amount of expensive no cash up front lawyers can help to sue until a safety bracket can be set up maybe one for some entrepreneurs to try pitch to the dragons den)

by Jack Mehoff jizz mater general August 30, 2018

Test Wank

The act of checking the captain is awake after having a skin full. Usually in a pub toilet.

The good lady wife says I'm on a promise and I've had 8 gins. I'm off for a test wank

by Paul A Radcliffe May 23, 2023

sand wank

When a male pleasure's oneself by using sandpaper between their palms and member.

"Jimmy did a sand wank as she wanted to know what a 90 year old lady would feel like during sex"

by GollumBoy September 10, 2016

fruit wank

When you wankmasturbatewith a piece of fruit. A popular choice for this activity is the watermelon. People usually bore a whole into the fruit to create a makeshift pussy and then proceed to insert they're penis inside and pleasure themselves

Jane - "I have heard rumours that Johnny carved a hole in a melon and then Fucked it last week"

Mike - "yeah, he told me about it yesterday apparently it was the best fruit wank he's ever had"

by Fuckmegently August 31, 2015