Megan's Law CD's

These are CD's containing the names and addresses and social security numbers and other identifers of those convicted of any conduct an extreme right wing, neofascist majority wishes to define as any sex offense. This is a specific category of humans targeted for sub-human treatment and status by a modern day lynch mob. Being seen naked by a peeping Tom or Toni, through your own window, could make you into a sex offender, and, thereafter, you will be equated with those who molest little children and then murder them. The issuance of the Megan's Law CD is to ensure and even encourage societal vigilanteeism and vengeance, while officially discouraging it with idle threats of prosecutions that will never be brought. Megan's Law is a societal overreaction to a horrible reality society is causing--sex offenders--and it a by-product largely of hysteria fanned by law enforcement and extreme right wing politicos who wish to capitalize on the climate of fear they say they will save you from with even harsher and more severe, Draconian, modern-day Blue Laws. The Megan's Law CD is the 21st Century equivalent of the Witch Hunts of Salem. It doesn't protect the public it only creates a niche for imposing targeted but condoned cruelty, often against marginalized citizens with severe health care needs but no real threat to society.

Nancy: Did you get your Megan's Law CD's information today?
Betty: Yeah, sure did, now I can go and get that sick pervert on the other side of town and destroy his life! I feel so powerful!
Nancy: What did he do?
Betty: Well, he's a sex offender, that must mean he raped a little infant and cut off her head, after torturing the poor thing for six months!
Nancy: Ah, well, he was, ah, arrested for indecent exposure--he was nekkid on his front lawn, tanked.
Betty: So what! That sick pervert! I want him slaughtered!

by Mrs. Sajuaro September 22, 2006

The Law Of Maximum Misery

States that one should always be aware of their surroundings in order to prepare for the worst.

Billy is very careful and is driving a car. Therefore he suspects that a car filled with very noisy (and apparently drunk) teenagers would get into a wreck. So Billy turns unto a different street in order to avoid any other complications. So he is abiding to the rules of The Law Of Maximum Misery.

by Koachilion March 18, 2007

Garland’s Law of Toilets

(1) In a bathroom, the least used and cleanest toilet will be the one that the eye travels to last.

(2) The cleanest toilet will never be the stall closest to the door, nor the one furthest from it, unless it is a stall handicap.

(3) The higher in elevation, the cleaner and less used the toilet.

“Bro, I can’t find a clean bathroom on campus...”

“Dude, just follow Garland’s Law of Toilets, the cleanest one is the third stall in the fourth floor library bathroom.”

by Dr. Toilet, Ph.D March 3, 2020

Turd Law of Relativity

The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.

Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."

by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013

gum giving laws

The gum giving laws are the laws on who you can or cannot give gum to. The reasons you cannot give someone a piece of gum are as follows:

If they are named Addison,
If they put a dent in your wall,
If they cried on your pillow,
And if they previously tried to steal your gum

The gum giving laws were created by Pope John XII and are now in effect in every country even Singapore where gum is banned

by Lil big 4x June 3, 2020

the law of dangling cords

Whenever you have something dangling from your body or carrying some type of cords, rope, line, string, wire, etc, as your crawl, walk, or run just about anywhere with it, the dangling cord has a tendency to get caught or wrapped around another object.

As I took the DVD player to the living room, the cord got wrapped around the bathroom door. I should have been aware of the law of dangling cords while transporting the DVD player.

by dreamquestone January 30, 2022

common law fiance

When a couple has been "dating" for such a long time that they are on an inevitable path to marriage, the participants in the relationship become common law fiancés, even if no formal commitment to get married has been made. Often, the involved parties deny this de facto status, frequently out of fear of commitment or embarrassment over not taking their relationship to the next level. However, they usually conduct themselves like a typical engaged couple (e.g., sharing holidays with both sets of families, etc.)

Aaron: hey, is your fiance coming to dinner with us?
Mike: no, my girlfriend cannot make dinner tonight
Aaron: she is so your common law fiance...you guys have been together for more than 6 years!

by truthteller2 November 15, 2012