turfwad

A person who is completely and utterly dumb; someone who engages in stupid acts, activities, or says something that is so blatantly wrong that it reaches the point of idiocy.

Teacher: Who is the current president of the United States?
Student: Uhhh... That black guy. Whats his name...oh, do you mean Martin Luther King?
Teacher: What planet you are living on, you turfwad?

by notaturfwad March 31, 2011

Turf Fucker

One who has sexual intercourse with artificial grass, otherwise known as "turf." One who "gets it in" with synthetic grass.

John had his way with the Superdome Saturday night, silly turf fucker! The groundskeeper had to run off the turf fuckers this morning before the big game.

by Trevor Fields April 29, 2011

Turf Tan

Visible marks left after faceplanting into a disclosed arena (particularily grass turf) while playing a sport.

1 Did you see that kid get tackled ?

All i can see is his turf tan

2. Is that a turf tan from soccer?

3. Billy needs to keep his head up when he plays, hes already had 3 turf tans this season!

by TurfTanner October 1, 2011

Turf Derp

1. (v). When someone takes a noggin nose dive. 2. See Eat Shit. To mistakenly fall on one's face in an embarrassing or Derpish fashion.

My roommate threw me a goldfish snack and I missed it and totally turf derped on my bed.

He missed the soccer ball and totally turf derped.

I kicked the barstool out from under him and he turf derped so hard I snorked.

by Perry Springfield August 3, 2012

turning leafs

in the act of anally satisisfying your partner with your tounge

what took you guys so long? were you turning leafs?

by cyfy42690 October 4, 2012

turdfester

An insult (naturally) implying nothing in particular about a person other than their being on a par with a festering turd in value. Don't know if this is local to Essex or more widespread or if, indeed, my small group of friends had exclusive use of it.

(enter name here) is a turdfester or even just an interjection of "turdfester"

by Furd tester December 14, 2012

turf maintenance

The trimming and shaving of your genital area and or arm pits.

Dan said to Jenny " Thank god you practice turf maintenance or we wouldn't be together!"

by rene bootmaker June 3, 2013