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Crunchy Cat

Those who expect the Lord to show them mercy but refuse to extend mercy to anyone else. They would happily join a new Crusade if it didn't require them to move out of mommy's basement or give up World of Warcraft. They really are more Catholic than the Pope, especially since, in Crunchy World, there hasn't been a True Pope since 1958. The Crunchy contrasts with the soft Catholic. You know, the ones who think we owe a filial love to Christ's sweet Vicar on earth. There's no room for love in Crunchy World. He says love is for sissies. And modernists. Most of them hang out in the fever swamps of internet traddom, usually on RacistInfo or the forum with a fancy Latin name, the height of irony since Crunchies don't speak Latin. QED

Noted heroes of the Crunchy Cat include Adolf Hitler, Vladimir Putin, Tony Cekada and Dolph Lundgren. Generally known to drink to excess but only things like Mike's Hard Lemonade or Goldschlager. (Worst day of the Crunchy's life was when they stopped making Zima.) Also, the Crunchy loves lace. He prefers his priest to wear more lace than a Victoria's Secret catalog.

The Crunchy uses code words to display his cleverness, i.e. NewChurch, True Mass and Doubtful Validity. In this way, we all know what he means, but he doesn't have to say it. His fav color is pink, although he insists on calling it "rose."
Person 1: "That Joe sure is an uber trad!"
Brilliance Incarnate: "No he's not. He's a Crunchy!"
Person 1: "That term requires a greater understanding of the workings of your mind than I possess."

Crunchy Cat: "I'm outraged! That NO presider wore purple on Laetare Sunday!"
Normal Person: "Crunchtastic!"

Crunchy Cat: "Cardinal Burke is an arch-modernist."
Trad Cat: "That is a Crunchtacular statement."

Crunchy Cat: "Latin and lace will save the Church!"
Non-insane person: "ummmm.....wut?"

Crunchy Cat: "I'm leaving the Church if JPII is canonized!"
Trad Cat: "So what are you waiting for? Get out!"
by TradCat May 5, 2013
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stomach crunchies

When a male blows his load on a females stomach and it dries.
Guy 1: My girlfriend let the cum dry on her stomach and it made a crunchy noise when she sat up.
Guy 2: My mom likes to call it stomach crunchies.
by forumssuck May 9, 2008
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crunching

Hey Drewb's, quit buggin me, I'm crunching . . .
by DrFoot October 25, 2003
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Crunchy Bro-tron 5000

Only the highest level or bro-ness you can bestow upon someone. Quite possibly the most awesome moniker ever.
Me: What up Crunchy bro-tron 5000.....?
Them: Huh?
by Madcow9865 September 10, 2009
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crunchity

In the form of being extremely crunchy. NOT the normal cruch that u may expect, e.g. Cruch Bar, but these are more a more intense firmer cruch, with a smack to the teeth. We're talking serious munchy crunch!
Butter Finger Crunch Bar contains "crunchity" bits
by SethAmphetamine April 16, 2005
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Crunchy

Crunchy is a mix of cringy and salty. It is considered an insult.
"Geez man Ashley is being super crunchy"
by Beenherebefore August 6, 2017
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crunchy almond mom

A mom who believes that vaccines cause autism, essential oils will heal every ailment and who only feed their children "organic" food.
"She bought an entire case of organic water, what a crunchy almond mom"
by lexistexas May 1, 2023
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