Shirk and Jerk

To avoid doing work while on the clock whilst taking care of one's needs. Less euphemistically: to jack off at work.

I was feeling really stressed at work today, so I locked my office and closed the blinds for a good ol' shirk and jerk to relieve my tension before the board meeting. Totally killed the presentation!

by daphunkeefeel1 July 06, 2012

Jergens Jerk

Giving yourself a hearty wank using your grandma's Jergens hand lotion for lube.

Granny B never understood why her Jergens bottle went half empty when her grandson spent the weekend. His hands were always greasy from his Jergens Jerks.

by Eaton Holgoode January 26, 2017

jerk saddle

noun - towel that you lay on your computer chair to prevent bare ass juice from leaving a residue when jerking. Often just tossed in the corner afterwards and left there until the next session.

Did you at least use a jerk saddle? Of course I did. I'm not a fucking animal.

by FlameOn! August 12, 2015

Jerk and Run

A term used mostly in sexual instant messaging. This is a situation in which a person only sticks around in the conversation until they are sexually satisfied, then leaves immediately after without warning or in the middle of a situation.

"The other person left? He must of been on a jerk and run."

by Fly Fox January 07, 2010

twerk and jerk

When you shake your ass in someone's face while jerking them off.

Guy 1: Yo did you see that chick's butt?
Guy 2: Yea I also heard she gives and nice twerk and jerk.
Guy 1: how do you know?
Guy 2: I was there...

by thisguysuka April 08, 2014

Jerk Nails

A way girls have of telling if guy's are jerks based on how perfect their fingernails are. Revealed to us men by a How I Met Your Mother Episode which also featured crazy eyes on girls.

Now I always cut my fingernails a little badly so girls won't see the jerk nails.

by Barman and Robin November 08, 2009

Circle-Jerking

Responding to every status update/photo/like/tweet by your friends, and them doing the same for you.
Also applies when the update/photo/like/tweet is intended purely to get the online attention you crave.

"If Kellyn and Theo keep liking each other's comments and pictures and statuses, I'm gonna block both of them."
"I know. They live and work together. Is it really necessary?!"
"They're circle-jerking."

by the REAL Lex Complex October 17, 2011