How to masturbate

How a man in prison gets off in the shower by himself

Get naked, get hard, lube your thighs, stick your hard-on between your legs, run in place until victory! Now you know How to Masturbate - Convict style

by Skin Head Peanut April 14, 2008

Its like teaching a dinosaur to masturbate

-This saying is often used when you are committing something impossible. For example a T-rex trying to self pleasure with its tiny arms

"I cant figure out how to use this computer Melinda, its like teaching a dinosaur to masturbate"
"Cleaning your bisclitussy is like teach a dinosaur to masturbate"

by Danussy August 31, 2022

masturbate to the beat challenge

A person who puts on a song and has to masturbate to the beat of the song. The song is usually some sort of edm of electronic music.

Guy 1: what should we do
Girl 1: lets do the masturbate to the beat challenge !

Guy 1: sounds great!

by your majesties sogginess February 28, 2017

masturbate to stay warm

When someone strokes your ego because you passively prompted them to do so. "Masturbate" relates to the self-love aspect, while "staying warm" relates to the warm feelings received from the compliment.

Sally: I feel so fat! I gained like 3 lbs last month.

Pat: (Thinks: Why does Sally have to always masturbate to stay warm...so annoying...whatever, I'll just play along) You look great, Sally! What are you talking about? You're totally smokin' girl.

Sally: Thank! You always make me feel better.

by Sisterhood of Words April 12, 2017

masturbating to the dictionary

A phrase used as a comeback to a Grammar Nazi or to someone who says “grammar is sexy” during a conversation. It can be used in any situation to respond to someone who tries to shame you on your grammar.

i.e.
txt msg exchange
Timmy: Yo Jake, you wanna come over to Jason’s place to smoke after school? Meghan and Jill are coming over and I’m sure your have a dope time with us.
Jake: You mean *you’ll have a dope time.
Timmy: Dude, are you masturbating to the dictionary at your house? Don’t be such a Grammar Nazi.

Lucy: Hey Jamie, do you think Alex is doing good today after the party last night? You think he’s interested in hanging out later?
Jamie: You mean, doing WELL after the party…? Damn Lucy, grammar is sexy just an fyi.
Lucy: Wtf Jamie, when did you start masturbating to the dictionary?

by runninghighkid August 4, 2018

masturbating to stay warm

An interaction where a person strokes another's ego, which was passively prompted by the recipient of the stroke. "Masturbate" relates to the self-loving aspect of the interaction, while "staying warm" relates to the external stimulus from the compliment.

Joe's Facebook status (selfie in mirror with shirt off): I think my gym membership is paying off.

Pat: Yeah, I've noticed that you're looking mighty fine these days.

Joe: Thanks Pat! *feelings of warmth experienced by Joe*

Pat thinks: Joe is always masturbating to stay warm on Facebook.

by Sisterhood of Words March 27, 2017

toasturbate

Masturbation with lots of butter melted from friction.

"Girl, can you please help me clean up? I just toasturbated."

"Well, at least clean-up will taste good..."

by CosmicFiend April 4, 2016