Telford 

It's just a shithole, mate. Don't even bother coming here. Like serious, I've had to put up with living here for my entire life, and it has not been a fun time. Anyway, why are you even thinking of coming here? Out of all the places such as London, Wolverhampton, Birmingham, Leeds etc, you chose Telford?! Are you out of your fucking mind?! If I was your dad, I'd disown you already.

Fucking pleb.

"Telford is such a shithole"
"I hate living in Telford. Everybody is either doing up crack, or drinking."

Telford by YourMum'sTampon September 9, 2020

Telford 

Telford is, as kindly as I can say, an absolute shithole that is ridden by left-behind patriots, drugged up sociopaths and people who were born in the 1940s and have seemingly never left. I've lived here for 18 years and I can politely say that Telford is a lovely place, if you're counting down the hours until God kills you (if the Severn Trent Water's scythe doesn't capture your soul first) or you're a deaf, blind mute who got on the wrong train and arrived here.

Telford does have some lovely features, however. It is known for kickstarting the Industrial Revolution, the first ever Ironbridge, being the teen pregnancy capital of the UK and being one of the only places where all of it's Reform UK supporters wouldn't even fit in the Royal Albert Hall.

It's the Midlands equivalent of Burnley and waking up here is almost like getting hit in the balls with a spiked bat, then asking the person who hit you to do it everyday for the rest of your life. In simpler terms, it's not a nice place.

1)
Road Sign: "Welcome to TELFORD"
Driver: takes a heavy sip out of hip flask "shit."

2)
Banner: "TELFORD: if you've given up and are waiting to die, this is the place for you. If you've lived thirteen years and not yet been chased by three lads wearing the same tracksuit, you're doing good."

Telford by Telford Prisoner no. 270602 July 5, 2025

Telford Cheesecake 

The act of inserting cheesecake of any kind in to a woman's vagina and eating it out the practice started and was popularized in Telford England.

Bobby had to choose between sex or desert so he choose both by having a Telford cheesecake.

Telford Cheesecake by shadendays November 15, 2009

Telford Monner 

Also know as the Telly telly mon mons, this elusive beast has a mono-brow the size of Wales which is also his homeland.

He enjoys going out on a Wednesday night and drinking 2litres of Strongbow and getting fkd up, then going home at 1am and talking about his feelings.

Exaple 1:

Guy 1: Did you see someone let that Wookie into the Su tonight?

Guy 2: Oh no that was just the Telford Monner

Example 2:

" I went down on a girl last night, I swear she was so hairy she could of been the Telford Monner!

Telford Monner by Telly_Mons December 7, 2011

telford girl 

I am from telford, and i am a girl, but i am not a telford girl. Telford girls can often be referred to as 'townies' or 'chavs' and are the scum of the earth.
They like to set fire to school toilets, and have their hair gelled into a ponytail so tightly that if the bobble found out the hair would still be in the same place.

"I hate those telford girls, they just burnt down the school toilets again"

telford girl by theuniqueme May 13, 2005

telford boy 

a telford boy is a lad from telford who walks around the streets at night thinkin he is mint, they are usually seen wearin trackie bottoms, polo shirts, a fake burberry hat, oh and dont forget the rockports (or rockfords).

any lad from orleton park.

telford boy by paul May 24, 2004

telford girl 

Girls generally from the telford area in Shropshire who think it is acceptable to look like a man. certain aspects of these girls would include as many chunky gold earrings in one ear as it can take, large numbers of big colourful hair scrunchies tying their hair ver tight to their head. this hair will then be seen poking out of the back of a cap perching on the head at a very strange angle (usually burberry). some kind of branded polo shirt and trackie bottoms tucked into some branded socks. and to finish off this incredible look, the rockports on the feet. WOW what a look.

"look at her the hoe, shes such a telford girl." also see 'telf'

telford girl by Lousy August 29, 2003