Pasturebation

The act of happening upon a beautiful scene scape, one that stops you dead in your tracks and forces you to think about the beauty in the world (such as the love of your life coming up behind you, wrapping their arms around you firmly, resting their head in the nape of your neck and quietly whispering "I love you"). The kind of place where it seems that the wind itself whistles merry tunes, as if to say, "hey little guy, everything's going to be alright..." and a photographer behind you is capturing every perfect moment so it can be used as a default wallpaper for Windows 90 million or a background on a calendar for the month of September. Then, just as your head is being filled with wondrous thoughts, and you could swear you caught a whiff of fresh apple pie right out of the oven, you notice a man right at the top of the hill, standing directly in front of the sunset where the sky meets the earth, violently Pasturebating. Yes, that's right. Don't clean your glasses or blink twice, leaning forward a bit. That man is publicly masturbating atop one of the most beautiful places on planet earth. He then, with a grin from ear to ear that makes dead grandmothers everywhere nod their head exclaiming "what a nice boy", blows his regal load in the direction of the once-calming wind and you watch it fly away; forever whisked to the fertile loins of forever. You will never look at this place the same again. In fact, you will be so scarred you will probably never return at all.

Mom: Here it is sweetie, the Grand Canyon!

Child: oh wow! what's THAT mom?!

Mom: What's wha.......oh my god....IS THAT.....IS HE............WHO THE FUCK........WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Child: what's a "fuck" mom?

Mom: SHUT THE FUCK UP....WE'RE OUT OF HERE......THOSE DAMN PASTUREBATERS WITH THEIR PASTUREBATION JUST HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING, DON'T THEY.........

by B.D. Joe October 12, 2010

Pastabation

The act of pleasuring ones self with pasta.

NAME was caught in the act of pastabation with the spaghetti before she cooked it.

by chuck norris 556 June 30, 2010

Passturbation

Masturbating in light of passing an exam/course.

YES! I DIDN'T FAIL THE GOD DAMN PHYSICS EXAM! I'M GOING TO PASSTURBATE FOR HOURS TONIGHT!!! I'm going to do some passturbation.

by Yandereperson March 5, 2011

pastorbator

An ordained female minister who spends her free time fingering her holes while dreaming of used by a man.

After the service the Pastorbator went home and rode her Hatachi Magic Wand till the neighbors could hear the moaning that marked the arrival of every Sunday afternoon.

by MCK73 February 10, 2014

posturbation

also: Posturbating

'liking' or 'upping' your own posts.

If you have to like or up your own post, it's posturbation, and you probably should have kept it to yourself anyway.

by pteryakisan October 30, 2013

Passturbation

The style of football (soccer) made popular by the Barcelona squad and Spanish national sides. This style of football is marked by a teams OCD-like need to pass the ball as many times as possible during a match; even if the pass serves no other purpose than to pad the player's stats and serve the manager's delusion that whoever passes the ball the most wins the game. This includes 1-yard sideways passes in your own half while under no pressure, passing while staring at an open net inside the box and the 40-yard backwards pass to the goalkeeper.

Person 1: Are you a Barcelona fan?

Person 2: Hell yeah. I basically bust a nut while watching that team not try and score, but instead just pass the ball around. How about you?

Person 1: Nah, I'm not a huge fan of passturbation. I like teams that can actually fuck; like Baryen Munich, for instance. Hey, didn't those two teams play each other recently?

Person 2: Uhh...Messi was hurt that day...both days....

by fatgunnersaurus November 21, 2013

pasturbating

Masturbating to something good that has happened to you or a friend in the past.

1. "Dude, do you remember that one time I got laid?" "Yeah, I'm pasturbating right now!"
2. "Pasturbation really is the best, especially if it happened to you!"

by Xaneth April 4, 2014