Masturbating

Is what I’m doing now ;)

I’m still masturbating bitchez

by It’s true bitches October 28, 2018

Mistakurbating

v When you mistakenly catch someone masturbating. Often caused by poor choice of place and timing, such as before dinner, at the movies, at school, at work, in the shower when your roommate is waiting and irritated, in a resturant, in a public restroom, in the back seat of a van on a long road-trip, in a park, on or near a playground, during a party, in the waiting room of a clinic for the blind, in an elementary school principal's office, when you sleep in a bunkbed, in a pool, in river with hungry fish, when you come home to a missing plunger and/or bananas, when you forget to close the browser on the family computer, or making the decision at 5:58 when your mom usually gets home at 6:01 (see after school special).

"Man, I am either a master of mistakurbating or our daughter has the worst choice of timing. Or she still hasn't figured it out. Have you seen the sausages?"

True Story,

Our hero goes to a job interview at a big box store in a tuxedo.

The Manager holding back a bellowing laugh, "So, you can tell me the truth. Why did you get fired from your last job?"

The man replies, "I was caught masturbating on my break."

"What?!"

"Ya, I know. That's my free time and I am allowed to do whatever I want on my own time!"

And with that the manager could not resist passing him on to the next department for hiring. True story, no joke.

by cheese_leaves February 10, 2012

illegitimate masturbating

1. what jesus is said to have condemned as the greatest sin to be commited as "it is wasting thy knuckle children into a sock only to be put into the bottom ov a hamper."

2. what is done on a daily basis in the white house

3. learning algebra

4. sharing files on frostwire

i gotta go do some illegitimate masturbating

by incipitsathanas October 19, 2009

The masturbating ninja technique

When a gentlemen decides to enter the masturbatory stage of his day, he may decide to deploy the homo sapien style (standing up) only to realize his t-shirt drops down into penile range. To avoid ejaculate or any lubratory means being transferred onto ones personnel, the ninja technique is engaged by whipping the front flap of the t-shirt over the head to create a warm, stylish, and protective measure against the army of unbelievable stickiness.

Policeman 1: "We found this fine young lad frozen to death here in the arctic tundra'.
Policeman 2: "It looks like he's been out here for weeks and missed the warm soothing touch of a woman, and decided to literally take matters into his own hands".
Policeman 1: "Correctomundo. If only he had a mentor to teach him the ways of the masturbating ninja technique, he might have pulled through".
Policeman 2: "Hey! Yeah that's true. If only he kept his shirt flipped over his head with his shoulders covered instead of taking it completely off, he'd still be here today".
Policeman 1: "Poor, poor, uninformed bastard".

by dirk digglett March 31, 2015

MMSturbating

The act of pleasing yourself using an MMS picture on your mobile phone sent by someone else.

I'm glad we've moved on to sexting each other. I was getting tired of MMSturbating to your picture.

by BiGBOY RJ December 16, 2009

masturbathing

The act of jacking off while in the shower.

Why were you taking so long in the shower?

Oh, I just got done masturbathing.

by cabbage206 August 15, 2009

caught masturbating

Being made to feel shame and humiliation for something that every one else does.

Jill was caught masturbating in her dorm room, and her friends will never let her forget about it.

by Jill VanDeLay September 30, 2003