A place where you are not family, nor do you want to be.
A place where 40 fresh faced college interns joyously start on the same date for a new program, envisioned by a Senior Manager who cares about them and treats them well and makes them happy and the program is a success and saves the company hundreds of thousands of dollars. Where the Senior Manager subsequently gets fired a year later who knows what, but rumors abound that he was a target because he spent too much on outings that kept his employees happy and retained.
A place where all but 7 out of those 40 interns have quit 4 years after being hired (three years after the Senior Manager was fired).
A place where you work from 9am till 3am or 5am seven days a week, for two months, because you’ve been selected to run an engagement where you have absolutely no experience in that industry, and get no help from the Manager. He was supposed to be there at 7:30 – his first time there in 2 months – but calls you at 9:30, from bed, mentions that he has to drop off his laundry and maybe get his car serviced, depending on the line. Not to mention that the reason you’re working so much is because the Manager deleted the prior year’s work-papers’ diskettes because they were sitting in a box on his desk and he thought they were junk. Yes, I’m talking about you, first initial of C. Your reward for all that hard work? A “Why did it take so long??” lecture from the partner.
A place so full of pompous jerks that a Second Year’s opinion on how to get the engagement done quickly is completely ignored. To top it off, the Second Year person is neither congratulated nor recognized when their method gets the job done 3 times faster than either of the two Seniors’ and the Manager’s method.
A place where the Senior tells you to ABC, and when the Manager reprimands you for it and demands to know why you did ABC, the Senior, standing two feet away, does not speak up and admit it was his instructions.
A place where people who make a measly 50K a year act like they descend from Sultan Blue Blood Royalty and you, as a first year, should worship the dog poop on their leather Gucci shoes that are going to take them three years to pay off because they only make the aforementioned 50K a year. Of course, they have $100,000 in college loans, $30,000 in credit card bills, and live in the city with 3 roommates in a two bedroom walkup, but they are the bomb in their own minds.
A place where you switch departments for a temporary two month stint under the promise of learning new & exciting things, where your reputation for excellence and devotion will guarantee you respect and advancement. And instead you are put to photocopying and filing for 5 months.
A place so full of snotty snobs, where someone you sit next to everyday prefers to turn their head rather than say hello to you as you pass them in the hallway, because you are a first year, and they are a Senior, and think they are hot, even tho they are butt-ugly and freakish looking, and therefore you are not worthy of a “Hello”.
A place where your Senior tells you that you are too happy, and too nice to people, and that it annoys them. Then the client subsequently brings over a box of cupcakes and hands it to you personally, and when you open it and there is only one cupcake inside, the Senior doesn’t even rethink their feelings about you and how good you may actually be at client relations.
A place where even tho the entire business world has been using excel for years, your particular hell of a department is still using DOS Lotus. When they finally do switch over to a Windows program, they choose Lotus for Windows. And your opinion, as a lowly intern, that Excel would be a better choice, is quickly and rudely brushed aside.
A place where 40 fresh faced college interns joyously start on the same date for a new program, envisioned by a Senior Manager who cares about them and treats them well and makes them happy and the program is a success and saves the company hundreds of thousands of dollars. Where the Senior Manager subsequently gets fired a year later who knows what, but rumors abound that he was a target because he spent too much on outings that kept his employees happy and retained.
A place where all but 7 out of those 40 interns have quit 4 years after being hired (three years after the Senior Manager was fired).
A place where you work from 9am till 3am or 5am seven days a week, for two months, because you’ve been selected to run an engagement where you have absolutely no experience in that industry, and get no help from the Manager. He was supposed to be there at 7:30 – his first time there in 2 months – but calls you at 9:30, from bed, mentions that he has to drop off his laundry and maybe get his car serviced, depending on the line. Not to mention that the reason you’re working so much is because the Manager deleted the prior year’s work-papers’ diskettes because they were sitting in a box on his desk and he thought they were junk. Yes, I’m talking about you, first initial of C. Your reward for all that hard work? A “Why did it take so long??” lecture from the partner.
A place so full of pompous jerks that a Second Year’s opinion on how to get the engagement done quickly is completely ignored. To top it off, the Second Year person is neither congratulated nor recognized when their method gets the job done 3 times faster than either of the two Seniors’ and the Manager’s method.
A place where the Senior tells you to ABC, and when the Manager reprimands you for it and demands to know why you did ABC, the Senior, standing two feet away, does not speak up and admit it was his instructions.
A place where people who make a measly 50K a year act like they descend from Sultan Blue Blood Royalty and you, as a first year, should worship the dog poop on their leather Gucci shoes that are going to take them three years to pay off because they only make the aforementioned 50K a year. Of course, they have $100,000 in college loans, $30,000 in credit card bills, and live in the city with 3 roommates in a two bedroom walkup, but they are the bomb in their own minds.
A place where you switch departments for a temporary two month stint under the promise of learning new & exciting things, where your reputation for excellence and devotion will guarantee you respect and advancement. And instead you are put to photocopying and filing for 5 months.
A place so full of snotty snobs, where someone you sit next to everyday prefers to turn their head rather than say hello to you as you pass them in the hallway, because you are a first year, and they are a Senior, and think they are hot, even tho they are butt-ugly and freakish looking, and therefore you are not worthy of a “Hello”.
A place where your Senior tells you that you are too happy, and too nice to people, and that it annoys them. Then the client subsequently brings over a box of cupcakes and hands it to you personally, and when you open it and there is only one cupcake inside, the Senior doesn’t even rethink their feelings about you and how good you may actually be at client relations.
A place where even tho the entire business world has been using excel for years, your particular hell of a department is still using DOS Lotus. When they finally do switch over to a Windows program, they choose Lotus for Windows. And your opinion, as a lowly intern, that Excel would be a better choice, is quickly and rudely brushed aside.
Susan: "So, where do you work?" John: "In hell. Um, I mean at Deloitte."
Joe: "I was in Vietnam." John: "SO WHAT?? I worked for Deloitte!"
Joe: "I was in Vietnam." John: "SO WHAT?? I worked for Deloitte!"
by I can't wait to quit this place April 5, 2005
A place where type-A college graduates revert back to their college tendencies and become raging alcoholics - most likely on the company tab - due to poor working conditions.
Also, another name for an overworked liver due to Friday-night happy-hour binge drinking.
Also, another name for an overworked liver due to Friday-night happy-hour binge drinking.
by alcoholics anonymous March 31, 2005
Indentured servitude.
Limited liability partnership that takes the hopes of many an intern, which are then dropped down the tree of reality, hitting every branch on their pathetic way down.
The primary contributor to premature aging of middle aged men. Makes 40 year old men morph into 60 year olds.
Limited liability partnership that takes the hopes of many an intern, which are then dropped down the tree of reality, hitting every branch on their pathetic way down.
The primary contributor to premature aging of middle aged men. Makes 40 year old men morph into 60 year olds.
by Disgruntled Auditor March 31, 2005
Deloitte is a form of slavery, however there are invisible chains that restrain people. The people who realize their destructive plight are usually the ones to quit or die, by that time it's too late. They are usually physically, mentally or emotionally scarred. Alcohol soon becomes a loving companion.
Joe works at Deloitte for 115 hours a day and although he has a family at home, he choses to go to the bar after work in order to forget the preceeding episode of ill treatment.
by Joe Smith March 30, 2005
The last form of slavery in the US. This is where many young people begin careers and work 115 hours a week until they either quit or die from exhaustion. Former Deloitte employees often have scarred backs from the whip marks.
After the unsuccessful triple bipass surgergy, the patient exhibited symptoms similar to someone having deloitism.
by arrrrgh March 30, 2005
A modern form of prostitution where eager, young minds sign on with the most reputable "practice" pimp in hopes of success and fortune but end up being sold to the highest bidder while partaking only a minimal share of the profits. "Partners" pimps are noted for reprimanding personnel that do not perform every and all requests of the client john, as well as those who do not perform adequately in the eyes of the client.
by Q March 30, 2005
noun:
(a) a common form of slavery around the world
(b) a company that picks already lifeless, boring, backstabbing new grads so they can fit easier into deloitte's culture
(c) a place where nerdy unattractive men and women call their home because they have forgotten what home looks like due to working too hard
(a) a common form of slavery around the world
(b) a company that picks already lifeless, boring, backstabbing new grads so they can fit easier into deloitte's culture
(c) a place where nerdy unattractive men and women call their home because they have forgotten what home looks like due to working too hard
You didn't get picked by Deloitte? Well yeah, cuz you're not ugly!
He would fit well in Deloitte. He's smart, doesn't have fashion style, and he's a backstabbing son of a gun.
Therapist: What's seems to be the problem?
Patient: I work at Deloitte
Therapist: Oh...this IS serious!
He would fit well in Deloitte. He's smart, doesn't have fashion style, and he's a backstabbing son of a gun.
Therapist: What's seems to be the problem?
Patient: I work at Deloitte
Therapist: Oh...this IS serious!
by stupid new grad September 25, 2007