deloitte 

The last form of slavery in the US. This is where many young people begin careers and work 115 hours a week until they either quit or die from exhaustion. Former Deloitte employees often have scarred backs from the whip marks.

Dave has no social life because he works at Deloitte.

deloitte by Angry Psycho March 29, 2005

Deloitte 

Do you want to get rid of all your pesky friends and/or potential suitors... then this is the job for you! Surely at some point in your life, you've thought to yourself "How can I eliminate the burden of having to hang out with my friends and/or annoying boyfriend/girlfriend"... The answer is simple work an average of 80 hours per week, usually out of town. Don't worry... those pesky friends will forget you exist in no time and your annoying boyfriend/girlfriend will as well. The upside to losing all of your real friends is that you have time (no less than 80 hours per week usually) to make new friends with all the other lonely people you work with. Your particularly lonely managers who have been using this strategy for 5+ years will always invite you to lunch or dinner on Friday night, Satuday and Sunday... o.k. invite might not be the right word... Now your thinking... that could probably make me single and alone, but how can I ensure that I will stay that way... The answer... you will become much less attractive. Under-eye baggage, the type of tan you can only get from spending months surrounded by the soft glow of a laptop monitor, an additional 15-40 lbs right around the middle, and that overall "I haven't slept in a week" look are generally part of the normal benefits package... if they don't offer it to you during your recruiting, rest assured that it is included.

My last manager before Deloitte: Jessica Alba
My last manager after 5 years with Deloitte- Smeagol

Deloitte by Exhausted June 4, 2012

Deloitte 

"Deloitte" comes from the Greek denomination of "De" and "Loitte". "De" translates directly to "miserable", with "Loitte" translating to "pathetic human being." Formerly known as Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu, the name was shortened to just "Deloitte" after it was discovered that "Touche" was a 3rd grade version of the word ass, and Tohmatsu was too difficult to say.
Members of the Deloitte firm are easy to spot. During the months of January through March, in preparation for hibernation, Deloitters typically put on between 5 and 65 pounds. Additionally, staffers can be seen aging as if they drank from the wrong Holy Grail during this period. The only members of Deloitte who seem to stay a consistent age are the partners, mostly because they drink and bath in the youth and souls of staff members.
Deloitte is also a microcasm for the problems of American society. The wealth gap is clearly seen in Deloitte, with partners driving Porsche's, and staffers riding their new Dyno freestyle BMX's in January. In addition, Deloitte partners have new HP Tablet laptops, with staffers performing audit work on Abacuses.
Deloitte staffers can typically describe their lives with the following tickmark: "I traced and agreed my weight gain to the scale in my bathroom without exception. D&T noted that 15 pounds was immaterial to performing audit work. Per discussion with my roommates, I noted that they no longer recognized me. Per further inquiry, they now refer to me as either 'The guy that sleeps in the other room', or 'The vaguely familiar friend'. D&T assessed this explanation from my roommates as acceptable. I footed the number of outstanding bills received from the mail, and noted that it tied without exception to the amount that the bill collector said I owed. I re-calculated my credit score, and noted that the score of 4 was appropriate. D&T passed on further investigation."

Deloitte has become a new plane of existence.

Deloitte by Wordness March 31, 2005

Deloitte 

A company that has taken the pimps and hoes business model to the corporate world. The directors and partners are the pimps at the highest echelons of the Deloitte hierarchy, followed in order of descending worth by Associate Directors, Senior Managers, Managers, Assistant Managers, Senior Consultants, Consultants and jnr. consultants. There are so many levels in this place that one would think they enlisted in the army - not surprisingly, its not too different from the army. When you join Deloitte you give up your identity as an individual and become a Deloittan - its not too dissimilar from being assimilated by the Borg. If you prefer to follow in rank and file then you will love Deloitte. If you aren't a complete tool when you join Deloitte, you will be as soon as you have spent a few months there.

Deloitte Culture
--------------------
Prides itself in a culture known as the "Deloitte Way" where you can get your friends and minions to vote for you and be recognized as a top 10 representative of the Deloitte Way values which include lying, cheating, manipulating your way to the top of the food chain. Employees at junior levels get treated like garbage. Being such a rank based organization, your title dictates your status at the company and hence everyone is always fighting and willing to stab each other in the back to get to the top. Pretty much everyone at the very senior levels of this organization are flaming douche bags with no integrity.

Deloitte Hierarchy and worth
------------------------------------
Partner: Top Dog
Directors: Kings and Queens
Associate Directors: Almost there
Senior Manager: Important
Manager: Almost Important
Assistant Manager: Competent but disposable
Senior Consultant: Senior pleb
Consultant: pleb
Jnr. Consultant: Apprentice pleb

Getting promoted at Deloitte
------------------------------------
If you aren't well versed in the art of brown nosing then you can all but forget about being promoted here.

How to succeed at Deloitte
----------------------------------
- Learn to kiss ass
- Give up your individuality, give up your own values and assimilate the Deloitte identity - you must become a Deloittan
- be aggressive, yes, you heard right be aggressive and take what you want
- Develop strong alliances with the cliques and groups in power quickly
- Don't trust anyone
- Be sneaky
- Leave your morals at the door
- Lie, manipulate, cheat...do whatever you have to to get ahead.
- Develop good relationships with your Development Facilitator(Coach) - they hold the keys to your future.

Deloitte by OverMan1982 September 17, 2013

Deloitte 

A verb describing metaphorical anal rape.

It is derived from the common practices of partners at Deloitte & Touche LLP.

Partners at this firm expect their staff to 'take it up the arse' and work like dogs, whilst being grateful for this privilege.

He was deloitted so bad he couldn't walk for days..

Deloitte by I love AS2 April 1, 2005

Deloitte 

1) A workplace that appears desirable from outside the doors, but the reality of torture sets in once the HONEYMOON phase wears off (approximately 1-2 months).

2) A workplace where people a lot less intelligent and a lot more arrogant make decisions that affect your day-to-day.

3) A thankless job. Regardless of gender, employees are essentially overworked prostitutes. The John, being the client, receives services, and the Pimp, Deloitte, slaps said prostitute and tells prostitute to start working on the next John in the line. Most of the time it's a circle jerk.

4) A workplace where people you start with soon fade away like they never existed, and you sit at your CUBE, disgruntled at how your networking and alliance relationships go down the TOILET.

5) A workplace where the good people leave, and the rotten stay.

6) A workplace that motivates you to find another job after two busy seasons MAXIMUM, unless you are into S&M.

7) A workplace that is good for slackers who b.s. all day, while the people who actually give a damn about the final product, grind away at their desks.

8) A workplace where meritocracy does not exist.

9) A workplace where apathy will always have a home.

Amy: I'm sorry you lost your husband, Martha.
Martha: Thanks, Amy. He's in a better place. I'm sorry too for your husband, Clarke, who is being eviscerated as we speak. He's at Deloitte, right?

Yo, I ain't kidding, son. You be a Deloitte. (fighting words)

I curse you to Deloitte. (a place worse than hell)

Deloitte you! (worse than the F bomb)

Deloitte by Soothsayer911 April 25, 2006

deloitte 

a black hole, time warp, and nightmare you don't know you are in until you leave when you realize what a waste of time those 3 years at Deloitte were and you'll want those 3 years of your life back.

Similar to what I imagine of doing time in jail or being a P.O.W. You survive your years art Deloitte and get by, then when you wake up and realize you are dumb for putting up with these shitheads, you'll wish you could have those 3 years back....BUT you can't that time in your life is gone forever. You'll never get those years back!!! You work and work trying to please the partners who are about 40-50 years of age but look 70 from all the years of working for assholes, and you would have learned more and gotten further in your career had you gone with that startup a few years back.

deloitte by Ron Anchorurgandy July 30, 2006