Skip to main content
Nefarious little creatures with your worst interests at heart.
*While camping*
Guy 1: Those raccoons shredded our aluminum foil! There wasn't even any food on it! Why would they do that?
Guy 2: Because they are nefarious little creatures with your worst interests at heart.
Raccoon by Dan30 July 4, 2012
A very cute and deadly animal the hunt in packs and are bulletproof the only way to kill them is to stun them with bullets and finish them off with a sword
Me: "hey have you heard of the raccoon killings"
My friend: "yeah, they are pretty deadly
girl 1: Amy is such a raccoon!
girl 2: I know! She belongs on a street corner, she's so trashy!
raccoon by YoursTruly5683 January 25, 2011
Something that is cute or extremely strong, or both. Raccoons are typically not pussies and tend to kill 10 people when they get mad. They are expert boonkgangers and are cutest. #savetheraccoons
U raccoon can u teach me how to not be a fucking pussy
Raccoon by Mr. Raccoon June 16, 2018
Raccoons are nature’s juggernauts. After doing research, I found a list of some of the best traits about them from a trustworthy researcher called “reccooneggs”, which is his birth name. (though they have many more special traits)

Reason 1: He protec but he also attac
Reason 2:They naturally regenerate limbs. Need to whip up a quick dinner? Just chop off a raccoons leg.
Reason 3: They’re obedient. Want someone dead? A raccoon will kill them James Bond style no questions asked.
Reason 4: Racoon Urine cures cancer
Reason 5: Theyre really good at video games. Are you a copper IV in rainbow six siege? They’ll carry you all they way up to diamond.
Reason 6: Need protection against someone with a gun? Raccoons are naturally bulletproof.
Reason 7: Raccoons can DESTROY any animal in a 1v1.
Reason 8: People see you walking a dog? They ignore you. People see you walking a raccoon? Looks like you just got a get-out-of-virgin-free card.
Reason 9: Raccoon feces cure hepatitis.
Reason 10: Just look at them, they’re adorable.
Dude I almost got killed yesterday. Thankfully I had my pet raccoon Ralph to save me from the shooter so my raccoon could lunge onto him and kill him!
Raccoon by Nathaniel822 June 24, 2018
The act of punching a girl in both eyes during sex, thereby giving her two black eyes, and then knocking over her trash cans as you leave.
Damn! That girl's got two black eyes... She must have gotten a mean raccoon last night!
raccoon by Benjamind February 27, 2008