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Pootend

When one pretends to be taking a poo in order to get caught up on social media while also avoiding familial obligations
"He can't help bathe the kids because he's too busy pootending"
by AgeCristini July 1, 2017
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Shoplift the Pooty

When a man, who is punching above his weight, offers to be the father of the child of an impregnated girl just so he can sleep with her.
Geez, that Bradford will do anything to get into Shirley's pants. He's now the father of the bun in the oven! He'll make a great chequebook dad. He did shoplift the pooty.
by ratsbackside February 10, 2017
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Related Words

Pooty Crew

The first ever "chat crew" on internet voice chat. Founded in 1998 by pootycrew1 and pooty_master_69. Many other chat crews formed after the founding of the Pooty Crew and there were even crew "wars" from 2000-2003. A group of people united for a similar purpose in a chat room, usually talking about humerous subjects.
"Man, the Pooty Crew is at it again in the 20's chat room."
by Mark G March 30, 2005
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Pooey Transaction

The act of swiping a credit, debit, ID, Library, Social Security, Novelty birthday card between someones bum cheeks or crack. The swiper (or MotherSwiper) then proceeds to smell the shitty side of the card and asks the swipeé if he or she would like a receipt.

Originates on the small Island Utopia of Guernsey. It is believed by most historians that the first person to ever recieve the pooey transaction was Joseph Robert Cowens, as resident of Guernsey (Shortly after dipping his love nuts in a fish tank)
"I am the Mother Swiper! You have recieved the pooey transaction!"

"That'll be £6 please"
"Do you take the pooey transaction?"
"Oh yes we do (Bends over then swipes)"
by Terry Balls January 14, 2008
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poopey kramp

The sudden wave of attack from a future shit that is often accompanied by intestinal pains and groaning, causing the victim to cease movement and crouch down in agony. A massive shit generally follows. Also known as a PK.
Sorry I'm late. I just had a massive pk.

If i didn't feel that poopey kramp, i would have shit my pants on the spot!
by gofr March 28, 2008
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Empire of Pootea

(This is all fiction. I did minimal research on the Kanem-Bornu Empire part so most of what I say is b.s.)

An Empire lasting from 1859 B.C.E-1380 A.D. Was a long-lasting empire that took over most of Central Africa and North Africa. Though going through several Civil-wars in its life, Pootea was mostly a prosperous empire. A notable civil war was between the brothers Fhat Dihk and Thihn Dihk which lead to the burning and shrinking of the Pootean Territory.

Fhat Dihk was hated, Thihn Dihk used this opportunity to create a coup which was very effective. When the switch of rulers happened, Thihn Dihk turned out to be a tyrant. So it started the "Age of darkness" where there would be a coup and a switch in Rulers almost every year, it caused many of the Pooteans to suffer. Leading to the change of name. Kanem would eventually fall but it would be succeeded by The Bornu Empire transforming into The Kanem-Bornu Empire. It too would fall to colonialism. What remains of Pootea are found in the archeological findings, stories, and songs told by the Pooteans of the past.
by Emperor of Pootea January 20, 2021
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Pooey Ballies

Ball stranglers that have been covered in the most putrid shit ever. Can be used as a weapon or can be worn for comfort.
"Hey.. hey you! Gimme the best pooey ballies that you got, PRONTO!"
by thc2099 June 14, 2008
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