posturbate

To post incessant, inane threads on an internet forum to alleviate boredom or sexual frustration.

Must be slow at work -- Scott's done nothing but posturbate all day on HC.

by Nemo Nemo August 3, 2007

Poopterbate

When you tell everyone around you that you are going to the bathroom to poop, when all you really wanted was an excuse to beat off.

Jack - "BRB guys, I gotta take a dump"
Jill - "Whatever, he's just gonna Poopterbate"

by Michael Thayer January 5, 2008

pokesturbate

The act of starting a poke war oneself on facebook repeatedly for pleasure. Technically impossible to lose or win, which leads to a paradox and an eventual rip on the space-time continuum, destroying the universe as we know it.

"My roommate caught me pokesturbating when he came home from class early"

"I feel like a naughty boy because I pokesturbate in the library"

by ZapRowsdower December 28, 2007

pissturbate

Masturbating until you piss all over yourself as an alternative to ejaculating.

I just pissturbated and now I'm covered in my own piss.

by urbanspaceman June 18, 2016

Poopturbation

1. The act of yo-yoing a turd in and out your kiester.

2. A person that simply cannot pass a turd in the street without molesting it. (“Fecalfelliac” or “poop loopy”)

1. The exercises really paid off, I can do a half hour long session of poopturbation, and as of last week, I no longer have to use my hands. But I still do.

2. “You wouldn’t believe what I almost stepped in, and ended up making love to.”

by Swamy swimwamlitts June 21, 2019

Poosturbating

To masturbate while pooping, simple right?

Alex said he just had to take a dump but we know he was poosturbating since Courtney just bent over.

by Cheatachu April 2, 2008

posturbate

When you have a load so majestic that you must upload a picture of it to Facebook, Twitter, or Intagram.

You: Hey man, did you see me posturbate last night?
Friend: Yeah, I'm unfollowing you on Instagram.

by jigganut January 2, 2015