The Donald: We're down in the polls, bring in the consultants of swing for Florida.
Advisor: I'm on it
The Donald: Remember, no Russians. NO COLUSION.
Advisor: I'm on it
The Donald: Remember, no Russians. NO COLUSION.
by RandyRhoads84 May 21, 2020
Get the Consultants of Swing mug.A self-proclaimed expert that extorts inflated fees from a host company in return for vague and predominently incorrect business advice.
The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.
The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultant's term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements' lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the host's employees.
"The consultant said that, once he has some free band-width, he will interface with his vast array of important contacts, leverage some syergies, and bring us up to speed with the rest of the industry.....No, really, those were his exact words."
by Booger Snow August 2, 2008
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Consuela: "Oh, no, doggie out! Afuera!"
Stewie: "This isn't Windex, but it's the store brand; it's just as good."
Consuela: "No, no... it leave a film."
Stewie: "I don't care about the film, just use it!"
Consuela: "No, no... I no can clean."
Stewie: "Ssshhhhhhhit."
Stewie: "This isn't Windex, but it's the store brand; it's just as good."
Consuela: "No, no... it leave a film."
Stewie: "I don't care about the film, just use it!"
Consuela: "No, no... I no can clean."
Stewie: "Ssshhhhhhhit."
by seastone130 March 17, 2010
Get the Consuela mug.A place where you go if you are desperate to lose time. A place where you go for experiencing red tape in its supreme form. A place where you go if you want to experience administration as it was handled in the 17th century or earlier.
by groovymanu May 14, 2015
Get the Italian consulate mug.Independent contractors brought in by upper management under the auspices of "streamlining work flow", but in actuality to suggest what positions can be eliminated thus reducing headcount and overhead for purposes of downsizing.
In the movie "Office Space" the characters referred to as "The Bobs" are classic examples of chainsaw consultants. The main character avoids being fired through a combination of unexpected brutal honesty about his lack of passion for his position, and also engendering camaraderie with those sent to determine if his
job is really necessary.
job is really necessary.
by Cale Dempster December 18, 2008
Get the chainsaw consultant mug.by 666Mike999 August 17, 2006
Get the consultant mug.by GreenMonter August 8, 2005
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