The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014
Get the Bernadette-Bernhard scale mug.Handsome, a perfectionist, very detailed person. Hard working. Someone who is very calm until provoked, then all hell breaks loose. Does not have long term goals, but is spontaneous. A "fly by the seat of your pants" type of guy. Stubborn at first, however can be very loving. Nurturing father. Protective of family. Provider.
Bernardino is a great family man!
by Chavelita2004 February 29, 2016
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Much like ex Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s Bunga Bunga parties, a Bernardi party is a gathering of a sexual nature, in this instance involving copulation between humans and another species of mammal. A Bernardi Party is named after Australian Senator, Cory Bernardi, who announced recently that same sex marriage is a gateway to bestiality.
Frank: Hey Dezza, what’s happening Saturday night? Any ladies coming around?
Darren: Na mate, thinking of having a Bernardi Party down at York Peninsular.
Frank: Ooh you are a sick fuck Dez. I’m in.
Darren: Na mate, thinking of having a Bernardi Party down at York Peninsular.
Frank: Ooh you are a sick fuck Dez. I’m in.
by Tobster September 21, 2012
Get the Bernardi Party mug.(nicknamed Bernie Madoff): alongside Nicolas Fouquet, Conrad Black, Jacques Chirac and Michel Platini, IMHO one of the top 5 most corrupt individuals in the Western world (as of May 2013).
The United States knew what they were doing when they sentenced Bernard Madoff to 150 years in jail for his ponze scheme; IMHO the Charbonneau Commission should do the same with all Canadians convicted of fraud and tax evasion.
by Sexydimma May 25, 2013
Get the Bernard Madoff mug.2:07pmSkillsPRO: HOLY!@BERNARD128 ur the BEST HYRBID EVER!! FK! U JST OWNT ME 39-39 DDS!2:07pmfree2own: lol skillspro u just suck dude. bernard, dm me.2:08pmBernard128: bring it u fuka 2:09pmfree2own: homie r u sure u want this im from compton G!2:10pmSkillsPRO: free2own dnt fk do it he fk owned me like it his fk job m8 plz dnt do it i wilcry=. 2:23pm free2own: g2g sorry.2:23pmfree2own has left the chat room. (Quit: )
by Mans_A_General July 26, 2009
Get the Bernard128 mug.to either masturbate or have an orgasm so intense it makes you go temporarily blind. The name is based off of a 9th century Italian king who plotted against Emperor Louis the Pious. Having been caught, he was punished by being forcefully blinded.
by Entorwellian September 16, 2009
Get the King Bernard mug.{Levi Bernhardtis a 24 year old virgin YouTuber, the king is bilingual. Dad loves kpop, so we Stan. Has MASSIVE potato fettish. Softest boy on the planet and an amazing YouTuber at that. Hot in a rat kinda way, Jk strong 9.5
by Wagwantopshagger January 4, 2019
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